1
00:00:35,370 --> 00:00:37,970
I know what he likes touched and where.

2
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Lovemaking is everything.

3
00:00:41,110 --> 00:00:43,270
It's little touches, it's little kisses.

4
00:00:43,970 --> 00:00:48,510
Teasing, you can tease for quite a long
time and then stop, and it doesn't

5
00:00:48,510 --> 00:00:51,550
result in anything. It can be mildly
frustrating and it can be very

6
00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:53,350
but it's still fun and it's still
lovemaking.

7
00:00:53,730 --> 00:00:57,290
Sex is really communication. It's really
a case of talking to each other.

8
00:00:57,530 --> 00:01:02,550
A good sexual relationship has got to be
based on honesty and trust.

9
00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:09,170
and communication and if you're madly in
love then it's wonderful but the no

10
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:14,570
pressure to have sex the no pressure to
have to please her is the big turn on

11
00:01:14,570 --> 00:01:20,490
because she makes me feel like i'm
wanted i like kissing and that's really

12
00:01:20,490 --> 00:01:26,030
important because it's um proper contact
you know you just haven't got to have

13
00:01:26,030 --> 00:01:30,130
sex just being with someone lying there
and whatever happens happens

14
00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:41,080
In our teens and early twenties, sex
itself is often seen as something that's

15
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:44,620
valid in its own right, rather than part
of a one -to -one relationship.

16
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,360
As a result, it can become a series of
conquests or one -night stands.

17
00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:55,300
However, what most of us are searching
for, whatever our sexual orientation, is

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00:01:55,300 --> 00:02:00,200
a way of combining love and sex that
makes sense in a world in which more of

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00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,060
are trying to stay committed to our one
-to -one relationships.

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00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:08,100
Strange as it may seem, This could mean
adopting somewhat different attitudes to

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00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:11,280
sex and relationships, some of which are
pretty traditional.

22
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,900
Everybody has their own views on romance
and courtship.

23
00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:21,740
Some couples leap into bed within hours
of meeting and then embark on a long

24
00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:26,680
getting -to -know -you period, and
others wait for some considerable time

25
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,560
seal their commitments to one another
before having sex.

26
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:35,770
Either way, most people claim that sex
with someone they know and care about is

27
00:02:35,770 --> 00:02:37,950
almost always better and more
satisfying.

28
00:02:40,030 --> 00:02:45,290
In the earliest stages of courtship, we
select our partner, approach him or her,

29
00:02:45,470 --> 00:02:47,210
and slowly seek their approval.

30
00:02:48,830 --> 00:02:54,070
Many animals have highly elaborate
courtship rituals, and not all of us as

31
00:02:54,070 --> 00:02:58,610
animals have lost this skill,
particularly in the early stages of

32
00:02:58,610 --> 00:02:59,610
partner.

33
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,420
Yeah, looks do matter, yeah.

34
00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:08,120
Eyes and smiles.

35
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,740
And her lips do it for me.

36
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:16,480
His hair and his body and his arms,
everything built together.

37
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:23,760
The hard part, though, is continuing to
court one another on an ongoing basis.

38
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:28,740
If we do, it means that should the
genital part of our relationship falter,

39
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:30,700
we'll have something else to fall back
on.

40
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:34,840
We won't be tempted simply to throw in
the towel and look elsewhere.

41
00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:41,080
Committed involvement means giving up
one kind of freedom for another, much

42
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,019
deeper one.

43
00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:47,940
It enables us to be loved and to love,
to be understood and to understand,

44
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:53,160
and to achieve all of this not in spite
of ourselves, but for ourselves.

45
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:59,320
Nurturing this caring and involvement
with another creates intimacy in which

46
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,600
are free to be truly ourselves.

47
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:07,360
Essential to this process is
communication and understanding, sharing

48
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:11,720
problems that are an inevitable part of
life, and openly discussing our needs

49
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:12,880
and those of our partner.

50
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:19,240
This touching of minds should, ideally,
be as open as the touching of bodies.

51
00:04:20,269 --> 00:04:23,930
If you're close enough to actually make
love, then you should be close enough to

52
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:27,430
be able to talk about it. If you try and
do it without talking, you're just

53
00:04:27,430 --> 00:04:28,430
asking for trouble.

54
00:04:28,830 --> 00:04:33,550
We can use ordinary daily activities to
build loving behaviour and attitudes

55
00:04:33,550 --> 00:04:37,190
into our lives, to form the basis of our
life together.

56
00:04:38,790 --> 00:04:43,610
Sex in this setting becomes a joyous
high point, because such a couple are

57
00:04:43,610 --> 00:04:47,610
making love all the time, even if
they're not doing anything genitally.

58
00:04:48,190 --> 00:04:51,870
And when they are, no one forces anyone
to do anything sexual.

59
00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:56,630
And there are few no -go areas, because
the individuals are in tune with one

60
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,150
another for so much of the time.

61
00:05:06,490 --> 00:05:10,890
This might sound something of an ideal,
and no one is suggesting that

62
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:12,670
maintaining a relationship is easy.

63
00:05:13,090 --> 00:05:15,290
We all encounter bad times.

64
00:05:15,930 --> 00:05:20,190
But it's not that hard to cope with any
lows if the foundations of the

65
00:05:20,190 --> 00:05:21,650
relationship are strong.

66
00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:32,330
Even with all this trust, goodwill and
intimacy, building it into our sex lives

67
00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:34,530
usually comes about through trial and
error.

68
00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:37,530
In some ways, this can work well.

69
00:06:12,130 --> 00:06:16,090
Unfortunately, many of us can also spend
a lifetime making mistakes that could

70
00:06:16,090 --> 00:06:17,090
have been avoided.

71
00:06:18,530 --> 00:06:25,450
The drive to have sex is certainly
instinctual, but how, when, where and

72
00:06:25,450 --> 00:06:27,210
who we do it is largely learned.

73
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:33,490
Many of us mislearn a lot about sex
early in life, and then find it hard to

74
00:06:33,490 --> 00:06:36,050
unlearn our bad habits and unhelpful
attitudes.

75
00:06:53,390 --> 00:06:57,670
Whilst there are many facets to a
healthy and happy relationship, sex

76
00:06:57,670 --> 00:06:58,670
very special part.

77
00:06:59,610 --> 00:07:02,250
A great sex life doesn't usually just
happen.

78
00:07:02,470 --> 00:07:04,930
It's a journey of discovery between two
people.

79
00:07:07,130 --> 00:07:12,070
How we perceive our own sexuality, or
that of others, in the formative years,

80
00:07:12,310 --> 00:07:16,770
and how we are initiated into sex
itself, can all have a lasting effect.

81
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:19,910
Often, our expectations are quite
inappropriate.

82
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:27,700
As with any learning process, always be
prepared to listen and learn, both from

83
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:30,140
your own feelings and those of your
partner.

84
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:35,480
If you do, the journey will be exciting
and fun, whatever stage you're at in

85
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:36,480
your relationship.

86
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:45,900
The first step on our journey is to
accept our body while trying to care for

87
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:46,900
and respect it.

88
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,960
This helps our personal sense of self
-esteem.

89
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,240
and is a compliment to our partner.

90
00:07:52,860 --> 00:07:58,620
Actually, most people, men included,
want a caring and sincere partner rather

91
00:07:58,620 --> 00:08:00,440
than one who just looks sexy.

92
00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:07,940
I think you have to like your body and
love your body to appreciate anybody

93
00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:13,060
else's. And you can't expect somebody to
love your body if you don't.

94
00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:17,840
Self -acceptance means taking a delight
in the things we like about ourselves.

95
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:21,280
and being prepared to live with those
that can't be changed.

96
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:25,480
We like to look nice for each other.
Definitely. If you have confidence in

97
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:31,380
yourself when you're undressed, I think
the aura you give off does help.

98
00:08:32,620 --> 00:08:36,780
I think some people have problems with
aura sex because they're ashamed of

99
00:08:36,780 --> 00:08:42,580
bodies. The only time I can actually
orgasm is if I'm totally happy with my

100
00:08:42,580 --> 00:08:43,580
body.

101
00:08:44,039 --> 00:08:48,080
Accepting ourselves also means
acknowledging that we have sexual needs.

102
00:08:48,550 --> 00:08:52,610
Our first encounter with our sexual
selves is usually self -stimulation.

103
00:08:53,890 --> 00:08:58,930
Masturbation is an activity in which
almost everyone indulges, if only from

104
00:08:58,930 --> 00:08:59,749
to time.

105
00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:04,610
Most people continue to masturbate
throughout their lives, even if they are

106
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,090
happy and committed relationship.

107
00:09:06,930 --> 00:09:11,650
It can simply provide physical relief
and is rarely a reflection on the

108
00:09:11,650 --> 00:09:12,650
relationship.

109
00:09:22,890 --> 00:09:26,470
Men's genitals are so obvious that they
tend to know them well.

110
00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:31,190
The clearest sign of male sexual arousal
is an erection.

111
00:09:32,210 --> 00:09:35,670
Tissue within the penis fills with
blood, making it stiffen.

112
00:09:37,050 --> 00:09:39,750
As arousal increases, so does heart
rate.

113
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:43,310
Breathing quickens and the nostrils
flare.

114
00:09:44,410 --> 00:09:48,810
The muscles tense, the nipples erect and
the man feels excited.

115
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:55,360
The skin of the scrotum thickens and
retracts, and there's an increasing urge

116
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:56,860
for further stimulation of the penis.

117
00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:03,120
When arousal reaches a certain point,
ejaculation is imminent, and he can't

118
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,120
back.

119
00:10:04,340 --> 00:10:08,980
At orgasm, there's a rhythmic throbbing
of the penis as semen is pumped out.

120
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:19,720
In some animals, quick and easy
ejaculation is actually an advantage.

121
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:22,150
in the efficient impregnation of
females.

122
00:10:26,310 --> 00:10:30,950
But in human relationships, where
females need longer for their own

123
00:10:30,950 --> 00:10:34,870
where lovemaking is part of an emotional
relationship, so -called premature

124
00:10:34,870 --> 00:10:36,610
ejaculation can be a real problem.

125
00:10:37,130 --> 00:10:40,870
I've suffered from premature ejaculation
and coming too quickly.

126
00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:44,270
Depends, I can control it much better
when I've come once.

127
00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:55,830
A man can learn control by bringing
himself close to orgasm, then either

128
00:10:55,830 --> 00:10:59,350
thopping or using this squeeze technique
to lower his level of excitement.

129
00:11:00,590 --> 00:11:03,190
When the penis is floppy, it can be re
-aroused.

130
00:11:03,890 --> 00:11:07,970
This cycle is then repeated through
several erections or until a certain

131
00:11:08,030 --> 00:11:09,730
say 15 minutes, has elapsed.

132
00:11:10,450 --> 00:11:14,530
Many men find it helps their lovemaking
if they have the confidence to control

133
00:11:14,530 --> 00:11:18,510
their time to orgasm and even to know
that they can enjoy an erection without

134
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:19,510
having to ejaculate.

135
00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:30,350
Control and delay can actually make for
stronger orgasms for the man himself,

136
00:11:30,650 --> 00:11:34,950
and he'll be able to last much longer
when satisfying his partner, which is

137
00:11:34,950 --> 00:11:35,950
for her.

138
00:11:40,250 --> 00:11:44,630
Whereas almost all young men feel a need
to ejaculate to relieve sexual tension,

139
00:11:45,030 --> 00:11:48,850
many women say that their need for an
orgasm is not so compelling.

140
00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:55,030
There are, of course, enormous
variations on this, and it's unwise to

141
00:11:55,030 --> 00:11:56,030
too much.

142
00:11:58,660 --> 00:12:03,420
Unfortunately, in a masculine -dominated
culture such as ours, both men and

143
00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:08,140
women attempted to think of the
responses of the sexes as far too

144
00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:12,480
goal -centred, and something to be
strived for in a masculine -driven way.

145
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:21,080
Whilst male and female sexual responses
are indeed somewhat similar at a

146
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:25,820
biological level, it seems that for many
the emotional significance is rather

147
00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:26,820
different.

148
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:33,260
Given that all of this can change within
any one person over the years, it's

149
00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:36,780
vital that couples talk this through and
share their similarities and

150
00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:37,780
differences.

151
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:41,840
As I encourage people to share their
innermost feelings and experiences with

152
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:46,500
their partners, they come to realise how
similar they are in many ways and how

153
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,580
they can learn and benefit from their
differences.

154
00:12:49,820 --> 00:12:54,320
This almost always brings couples closer
together, both in and out of bed.

155
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:01,490
Many men believe that if their partner
doesn't have an orgasm, they have

156
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:02,490
failed as lovers.

157
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:08,190
Surveys show, though, that roughly two
-thirds of all women don't reach a

158
00:13:08,190 --> 00:13:13,170
from penetrative intercourse alone, and
that many greatly enjoy sex even if they

159
00:13:13,170 --> 00:13:15,070
have orgasms only from time to time.

160
00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:19,410
Clearly, every woman should learn about
her own arousal.

161
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:23,170
She can only do this by learning how to
masturbate.

162
00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:29,520
Yeah, I've always found it very easy to
have an orgasm.

163
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:33,380
When I was 23, I lived with four other
girls.

164
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:37,960
And a friend of mine said, I'm not sure
if I've had an orgasm or not. And I

165
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,560
said, you know, if you've had an orgasm,
you wouldn't know.

166
00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:42,380
I do masturbate.

167
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:49,480
Why? Because it's for me. I masturbate
because I like to and

168
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,480
I enjoy it.

169
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:56,260
When women stimulate themselves, they
tend not, like men, to recreate the

170
00:13:56,260 --> 00:13:57,260
of intercourse.

171
00:13:57,700 --> 00:14:01,740
Instead of replicating the sensation of
a penis sliding in and out of the

172
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:05,460
vagina, by and large, stimulation is
centered on the clitoris.

173
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,240
The body changes in a woman are very
similar to those in a man.

174
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:17,980
However, the average woman usually takes
longer to become aroused, lasts longer,

175
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:23,220
and here there's a big difference, is
capable of almost instant re -arousal.

176
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:29,460
As excitement begins, the nipples erect
and the breath swell.

177
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:35,300
With increased blood flow, there may be
a sex flush over the chest and neck, and

178
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:39,320
the genitals become filled with blood,
which makes them swell and darken,

179
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,140
especially around the inner lip.

180
00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:44,900
Stimulation of the clitoris makes it
erect.

181
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:52,580
The outer lips also swell and open up,
and the vagina begins to produce fluid.

182
00:14:55,160 --> 00:15:00,920
As sexual tension grows, the vagina
balloons at its top end, and the

183
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:01,920
may seem to disappear.

184
00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:08,240
Orgasm itself occurs when there are
intense contractions of the pelvic

185
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,240
and uterus.

186
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:16,100
The woman's body may go into a sort of
spasm, she may groan or cry out, and

187
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:18,400
or bite her lip as the sensations flood
through her.

188
00:15:18,890 --> 00:15:20,530
or it may be hardly noticeable.

189
00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:27,570
For some women, though, achieving or
enjoying orgasms can be more difficult

190
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:28,570
for men.

191
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:33,510
Yet with practice and a willingness to
be open, it's possible to make real

192
00:15:33,510 --> 00:15:36,930
progress, particularly if you talk it
through with your partner.

193
00:15:38,710 --> 00:15:42,870
If you as a woman are like this, there
are several things you can do for

194
00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:45,710
yourself to make orgasms more likely or
more pleasurable.

195
00:15:46,670 --> 00:15:49,380
Firstly... Learn to relax with your own
body.

196
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:53,540
Appreciate it and discover what feels
nice about it and let yourself go with

197
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:54,540
your feelings.

198
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,440
Get to know your own genitals, both
aroused and unaroused.

199
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:04,040
While masturbating, caress other areas
while concentrating on the clitoris.

200
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,220
Think about using a vibrator to
stimulate yourself.

201
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,160
Indulge in your fantasies. Get lost in
them.

202
00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:14,700
Remember the mind is probably the most
powerful sex organ.

203
00:16:18,670 --> 00:16:23,190
However switched on we think we are in
daily life, we all have at least some

204
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:24,390
inhibitions about sex.

205
00:16:25,730 --> 00:16:30,130
The most important thing to bear in mind
about inhibitions is that they are

206
00:16:30,130 --> 00:16:33,230
largely a brake on pleasure, not only on
what we do.

207
00:16:34,850 --> 00:16:39,270
Dispelling inhibitions can be difficult
though, because many of us find it hard

208
00:16:39,270 --> 00:16:40,710
to be truly open with one another.

209
00:16:40,990 --> 00:16:43,310
I do sometimes feel a bit inhibited.

210
00:16:43,530 --> 00:16:44,690
I feel...

211
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,720
At times, yes, I think I could probably
be more expressive.

212
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:52,380
I think people have a lot of hang -ups
about sex.

213
00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:56,380
I mean, some people are perhaps not very
sexual.

214
00:16:56,620 --> 00:17:01,080
You know, they just don't have the
feelings there. But I think in the main,

215
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,500
because people have a hang -up about it.
Lack of communication is a problem.

216
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,599
There again, I think that's because of
hang -ups as well, because they think

217
00:17:08,599 --> 00:17:12,339
their partner's going to think they're
dirty or something if they talk about

218
00:17:12,339 --> 00:17:13,520
what they'd like, you know.

219
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:19,800
I felt very odd because I thought I'm
really missing out something here, you

220
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:25,099
know. If a woman can't make love with
the lights on and be on top without

221
00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:29,780
feeling on show, she's got to be sitting
on top of the guy making love with the

222
00:17:29,780 --> 00:17:32,580
lights on and feeling proud of herself
to reach orgasm.

223
00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:34,000
That's the way I see it.

224
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,800
One of the best ways of discovering each
other's bodies is through massage.

225
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:48,850
It is a satisfying form of loving
behavior in itself, and can be a

226
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:49,850
prelude to sex.

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00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:54,890
Massage is simply a structured way of
touching one another.

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00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:59,910
It's a beautiful way of getting closer
and learning how to surrender to someone

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00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:00,910
else.

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00:18:01,110 --> 00:18:05,630
The basic aim is to produce relaxing and
pleasurable sensations for the person

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00:18:05,630 --> 00:18:09,530
receiving. So, of course, the giver will
also benefit in various ways.

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Don't massage bony areas.

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00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:13,790
Stick to the fleshy parts.

234
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,240
and try to be gentle.

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00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:20,360
The main things are to keep your hands
on your partner's body throughout and to

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00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,400
maintain a soothing rhythmic flow.

237
00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:27,700
Above all, worry less about technique
than discovering from one another what

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00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:28,700
feels best.

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00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:34,720
Once learned, massage can be an
effective way to relax and not just in

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00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:41,300
When one partner, for example, comes in
tense from work, it helps if the other

241
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:44,380
could spare a few minutes to massage
their neck and shoulders.

242
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:58,080
Sensual massage done with love and care
builds trust in a way almost nothing

243
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,080
else can.

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00:19:00,580 --> 00:19:06,160
We get used to seeing our partner
totally naked, we put ourselves in their

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00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:10,000
to produce the best feelings for us, and
we trust them to handle us with

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00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,000
reverence and respect.

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00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:17,720
With massage, we learn to relax in
someone else's presence and give and

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00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:22,000
love and bodily pleasure without the
pressure of having to have intercourse.

249
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:29,380
Well, I like him licking me and stroking
me. He likes to stroke me and I love

250
00:19:29,380 --> 00:19:32,460
it. I find it ever so erotic to be
gently stroked.

251
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:38,400
If the mood is right and one or other of
you wants to take things further, it's

252
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:42,060
fun sometimes to let sensual massage
become more erotic.

253
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,960
Try a feather or some fur.

254
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,360
A woman's hair can drive her man wild.

255
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:08,240
Wetting an area and then blowing on it
can be extremely erotic, especially on

256
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,240
the nipples.

257
00:20:10,220 --> 00:20:11,960
Set some special times aside.

258
00:20:12,460 --> 00:20:16,320
and with practice and imagination you'll
find that your instincts will take you

259
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,680
into realms of pleasure you have never
dreamt of.

260
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:35,620
Having learnt about our own arousal, and
how to appreciate and touch one another

261
00:20:35,620 --> 00:20:40,720
naked, it's very helpful to get to know
one another's genital geography and

262
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:41,720
patterns of arousal.

263
00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:46,140
Ideally, this should happen at an early
stage of a committed sexual

264
00:20:46,140 --> 00:20:47,140
relationship.

265
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:52,060
But even after years of not getting this
far, mutual exploration can bring about

266
00:20:52,060 --> 00:20:53,360
real insights and benefits.

267
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:59,880
So, one day, when you're feeling really
relaxed, try to overcome any shyness or

268
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:04,000
inhibitions and take it in turns to
examine one another's genitals in some

269
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,000
detail.

270
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,980
Take your time and share with one
another what you discover.

271
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,860
Start off by simply looking at the
outside of her vulva.

272
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,560
What you can see are the large outer
lips.

273
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,360
You may have to open these gently to
reveal the small inner ones.

274
00:21:25,420 --> 00:21:29,600
These come together at the top to form a
little hood, which covers over the tip

275
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:30,600
of the clitoris.

276
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:32,680
This is highly sensitive.

277
00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:37,140
For most women, clitoral stimulation is
the best way to produce an orgasm.

278
00:21:39,690 --> 00:21:44,450
What looks like a little indentation or
even an obvious hole beneath the head of

279
00:21:44,450 --> 00:21:47,150
the clitoris is the opening of the
urinary passage.

280
00:21:48,610 --> 00:21:52,390
Below this is the vagina and a bit
further back the anus.

281
00:21:54,130 --> 00:21:57,450
Around the opening of the vagina there
are often small flaps of skin.

282
00:21:57,890 --> 00:22:01,830
These are the remains of the woman's
hymen that shut off the vaginal opening

283
00:22:01,830 --> 00:22:04,570
before she first used a tampon or had
sex.

284
00:22:05,510 --> 00:22:07,930
They're very small in this woman and can
hardly be seen.

285
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:10,580
Now you're ready to feel.

286
00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:15,200
Go back up to the clitoris and run your
finger over the body of the organ, just

287
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,200
above the head.

288
00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:18,100
It feels like a little pencil.

289
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:23,540
Take the inner and outer lips between
your fingers and see what they feel

290
00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:31,340
Run your finger around the vaginal
opening and then around the perineum.

291
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,420
That's the bridge of tissue between the
vagina and anus.

292
00:22:35,180 --> 00:22:38,440
Now insert a finger into the vagina and
feel its walls.

293
00:22:39,100 --> 00:22:42,940
They're wet and crinkly, especially
along the front wall up towards the

294
00:22:42,940 --> 00:22:43,940
tummy.

295
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:48,660
This front wall may have a sensitive
area called the G -spot, which gives

296
00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:53,160
pleasure when stroked, and in some women
can bring them to orgasm if stimulated

297
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,160
for long enough.

298
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:58,400
Push your finger in a little more until
you come across something that feels

299
00:22:58,400 --> 00:22:59,400
like the tip of your nose.

300
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,320
This is the woman's cervix, or neck of
the womb.

301
00:23:05,070 --> 00:23:08,650
Talk to your partner about all of this
and find out which areas are the nicest

302
00:23:08,650 --> 00:23:09,650
when stimulated.

303
00:23:10,550 --> 00:23:14,730
Make sure she is as aware as you have
become of what all the parts are.

304
00:23:27,130 --> 00:23:31,910
A man's genitals are easy to see though
many women haven't taken the trouble to

305
00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:32,910
have a detailed look.

306
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:39,320
Start with the penis itself first,
because it's the most obvious bit.

307
00:23:40,340 --> 00:23:44,760
Pull back the foreskin if the man has
one to reveal the glands or head.

308
00:23:45,740 --> 00:23:49,460
At its tip is the opening that lets out
both urine and semen.

309
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:54,380
Just underneath this is a little ridge
of skin called the frenum.

310
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,600
Most men say this is their most sexually
arousing part.

311
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,820
Next, turn your attention to the
scrotum.

312
00:24:04,410 --> 00:24:07,190
This bag of skin contains the balls or
testicles.

313
00:24:07,970 --> 00:24:11,450
You might see the muscles in the scrotum
contract under the skin.

314
00:24:13,090 --> 00:24:14,710
Now feel the balls themselves.

315
00:24:15,530 --> 00:24:19,990
They are largely a mass of coiled tubes
containing sperms that are maturing

316
00:24:19,990 --> 00:24:21,010
ready for ejaculation.

317
00:24:25,990 --> 00:24:30,770
At the top of each ball is a hard cord
which can be felt between finger and

318
00:24:30,770 --> 00:24:33,170
thumb. This is the vas deferens.

319
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,980
It is this tube that is cut and tied
when a man has a vasectomy.

320
00:24:41,820 --> 00:24:45,260
Now look at the base of the penis and
feel all around it.

321
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:49,620
The penis has a sort of root that goes
back towards the anus.

322
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,860
Feel this and look at the anal area
while you are here.

323
00:24:56,380 --> 00:25:01,820
A man's G -spot is centered in his
prostate gland, which can be reached by

324
00:25:01,820 --> 00:25:04,540
inserting a well -lubricated finger into
his anus.

325
00:25:05,230 --> 00:25:09,590
It can cause exquisite sensations gently
to stimulate the front wall of the

326
00:25:09,590 --> 00:25:11,470
rectum with the pad of the finger.

327
00:25:12,890 --> 00:25:18,510
After these exploration sessions, take
time, either then or later, to share

328
00:25:18,510 --> 00:25:19,510
you've discovered.

329
00:25:20,710 --> 00:25:23,110
What was new? What surprised you?

330
00:25:23,370 --> 00:25:26,090
If necessary, go back and repeat any of
this.

331
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:33,030
Being this open with each other shows
real care, acceptance and interest.

332
00:25:33,690 --> 00:25:37,310
And such intimate knowledge can make you
feel very much closer to one another.

333
00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:46,970
Now you both have an intimate knowledge
of the sexual parts, you may be

334
00:25:46,970 --> 00:25:50,750
sufficiently at ease with each other to
allow your partner to watch while you

335
00:25:50,750 --> 00:25:51,750
masturbate.

336
00:25:52,530 --> 00:25:57,050
This helps us become an expert on our
lover's arousal and to learn to

337
00:25:57,050 --> 00:25:59,830
them as well or perhaps even better than
they can do it themselves.

338
00:26:03,180 --> 00:26:06,720
You know where to touch to make him more
turned on.

339
00:26:06,940 --> 00:26:10,140
So more than turn me on, I actually
learn from it.

340
00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:15,920
This is a major step in being at ease
with one another sexually.

341
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,060
Again, ensure the setting's right.

342
00:26:19,780 --> 00:26:21,720
The room warm and private.

343
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:26,300
Perhaps put some music on, if it helps,
or have a small drink.

344
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,260
Then, be guided by what your partner
best enjoys.

345
00:26:31,110 --> 00:26:34,910
Some, for example, like to be cuddled,
others just to be watched.

346
00:26:35,210 --> 00:26:38,190
It's pleasurable to watch each other
masturbate, and it's fun.

347
00:26:38,790 --> 00:26:42,250
Yes, I enjoy watching him masturbate,
very much.

348
00:26:42,530 --> 00:26:47,290
It just seems so rude, you know. I mean,
in a nice way, it seems really rude. I

349
00:26:47,290 --> 00:26:48,290
like watching that.

350
00:26:50,090 --> 00:26:54,250
As your man starts to arouse himself,
watch the position of his hands and

351
00:26:54,250 --> 00:26:59,190
fingers. See how much pressure he
exerts, the rate and extent of his

352
00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:03,040
Notice the changes in his penis and
scrotum.

353
00:27:04,500 --> 00:27:06,740
Does he stimulate other parts of his
body?

354
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:13,300
Look for changes in breathing, muscular
contractions and facial expression.

355
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:17,680
Is there any pre -ejaculatory fluid?

356
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:22,240
Watch the amount and force of the
initial spurt and further spurts.

357
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,520
What happens as he calms down?

358
00:27:27,580 --> 00:27:28,900
Have a cuddle and kiss.

359
00:27:29,370 --> 00:27:30,550
and talk about the experience.

360
00:27:33,230 --> 00:27:35,670
Reverting the roles can be difficult for
either sex.

361
00:27:36,330 --> 00:27:40,350
Some women are not only shy about
displaying this most private of

362
00:27:40,630 --> 00:27:44,970
but because of this also find it hard to
relax sufficiently to bring themselves

363
00:27:44,970 --> 00:27:48,670
to a climax, even when they have no
problem doing so alone.

364
00:27:49,710 --> 00:27:53,510
Their man may have to show a lot of care
and consideration at first.

365
00:27:54,190 --> 00:27:57,090
Now it's the man's turn to observe and
learn.

366
00:27:57,660 --> 00:27:59,760
I have masturbated in front of my
partner.

367
00:28:00,180 --> 00:28:01,180
It's exciting.

368
00:28:01,340 --> 00:28:07,160
Watch her body and leg positions, how
she stimulates her vulva and clitoris,

369
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:08,580
what she does with the other hand.

370
00:28:10,820 --> 00:28:17,140
What changes are there in her breath,
vulva, and face?

371
00:28:24,460 --> 00:28:27,500
See how she behaves during orgasm and
what happens afterwards.

372
00:28:28,620 --> 00:28:34,880
I think it's really nice that you can do
that, be really open and just mess

373
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,540
about without worrying what I think.

374
00:28:37,420 --> 00:28:42,900
For me personally, I think it's more of
a turn -on, just watching, than actually

375
00:28:42,900 --> 00:28:45,200
learning or looking at it as a learning
experience.

376
00:28:46,540 --> 00:28:51,120
I think seeing her giving herself
pleasure, if you like, in a state of

377
00:28:52,830 --> 00:28:53,950
Just being part of that.

378
00:28:57,390 --> 00:29:02,370
Again, kiss and cuddle, and sometimes
try talking about the experience.

379
00:29:03,310 --> 00:29:07,390
Most men find watching their lover
masturbating very arousing.

380
00:29:08,590 --> 00:29:12,590
At some stage, once you've had several
goes at learning about your partner's

381
00:29:12,590 --> 00:29:17,050
responses, you'll find it useful and
exciting to try to replicate things for

382
00:29:17,050 --> 00:29:21,080
them. This is the time to put into
practice the things you've learned from

383
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:22,760
observing your partner earlier on.

384
00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:27,760
With trust and patience, it should be
possible for you to learn, perhaps over

385
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:30,140
few sessions, what best pleases your
partner.

386
00:29:34,300 --> 00:29:38,140
There's definitely something to be
learned from watching your partner

387
00:29:38,140 --> 00:29:39,140
masturbate.

388
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:47,440
In terms of the female body, not every
guy is aware of the erogenous zone and

389
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:49,940
therefore I see it as an essential part
of a relationship.

390
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:55,360
Things are different when my partner
does it because it's more exciting,

391
00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:59,620
when you do it with your partner. It's
like you're enjoying him enjoying

392
00:29:59,620 --> 00:30:01,660
and, you know, it's a bit nicer, I
think.

393
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:07,660
Gently correcting him or her by loving
guidance always works best.

394
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:13,080
Encouragement and feedback are the keys
to success with this exercise.

395
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,040
And you'll be surprised how quickly you
learn if you're both trusting and open.

396
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:19,820
Yeah, you really do need to watch and
learn because I don't think there's

397
00:30:19,820 --> 00:30:21,260
anything worse than getting it wrong.

398
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:25,860
And if it's wrong, it's absolutely
awful. But with us, because we are

399
00:30:25,860 --> 00:30:30,060
and because we are open and honest, and
we will say what we like and don't like,

400
00:30:30,100 --> 00:30:32,760
then it's not a problem. And as I say,
it just gets better and better.

401
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,440
Changing things round now gives your
partner his turn.

402
00:30:37,420 --> 00:30:41,240
Don't forget that every one of us is
different, so no matter how many

403
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:45,580
we've had, we'll still need to learn
about our particular lover from scratch,

404
00:30:45,580 --> 00:30:50,040
we are to honour him or her as a unique
sexual individual, rather than treat

405
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:51,720
them like some sort of robot.

406
00:30:53,740 --> 00:30:58,480
Once again, loving discussion is
essential at some stage after this

407
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,040
that both of you can get the best
rewards out of what you've learned.

408
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:03,840
Bye now!

409
00:31:03,930 --> 00:31:07,670
you will probably both be happy and at
ease with caressing one another

410
00:31:07,670 --> 00:31:12,610
in a way that doesn't produce arousal,
and genitally and in other ways that do.

411
00:31:19,330 --> 00:31:21,650
Sex isn't just a bodily experience.

412
00:31:21,990 --> 00:31:25,490
It often starts in and is usually
maintained by the mind.

413
00:31:25,890 --> 00:31:30,250
People are sometimes ashamed or guilty
about the raunchiness of their private

414
00:31:30,250 --> 00:31:31,350
sexual fantasies.

415
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:36,200
The truth is we all use fantasy in our
love lives, even if we only do so

416
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:37,200
unconsciously.

417
00:31:37,820 --> 00:31:42,500
Improving the quality and excitement of
your fantasies can help develop your sex

418
00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:47,980
life. Yeah, I think people probably are
afraid of discussing fantasies because

419
00:31:47,980 --> 00:31:51,580
they probably think that nobody else has
thoughts like them.

420
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:59,460
Most of my fantasies are quite wild, I
suppose. Things that you really...

421
00:31:59,710 --> 00:32:03,730
would really shock people i think if
people don't have their sexual fantasies

422
00:32:03,730 --> 00:32:09,690
they should make them up in a
relationship to keep things alive and

423
00:32:09,690 --> 00:32:15,790
it gives your partner imagination as
well in fact the level of anyone's

424
00:32:15,790 --> 00:32:22,370
can be vastly increased just by
switching to a better fantasy in pacing

425
00:32:22,370 --> 00:32:26,840
you want to try to come together Either
person can often bring themselves to a

426
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:30,820
high state of arousal by thinking of a
particularly exciting fantasy.

427
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:36,260
A tricky area for many couples is
whether they should discuss the subject.

428
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:41,860
The answer is that it can help
understanding and can overcome

429
00:32:41,860 --> 00:32:43,500
if done like this, it's fine.

430
00:32:44,140 --> 00:32:47,260
It's no hang -up, you know, if I've got
something weird, you know, and I'll act

431
00:32:47,260 --> 00:32:50,760
out any fantasy that my partner wants.
When we're making love, you know, I

432
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,000
fantasize or she fantasizes with me.

433
00:32:53,610 --> 00:32:55,830
We're not scared to act out or ask.

434
00:32:56,710 --> 00:33:00,770
You're not harming anyone and you're
just enjoying each other's company.

435
00:33:01,230 --> 00:33:06,090
When you decide to open up the subject,
make sure you are both happy, relaxed

436
00:33:06,090 --> 00:33:07,090
and aroused.

437
00:33:07,490 --> 00:33:11,110
Never share a fantasy just because you
want your partner to know something.

438
00:33:11,530 --> 00:33:16,070
Always ask yourself whether the
relationship will benefit or suffer as a

439
00:33:16,070 --> 00:33:17,230
of what you're about to share.

440
00:33:18,050 --> 00:33:19,690
Start off with simple things.

441
00:33:20,110 --> 00:33:23,790
And if all goes well, you can safely
work up to more complex themes.

442
00:33:27,170 --> 00:33:31,170
Whether or not you eventually choose to
have fun acting out any of your

443
00:33:31,170 --> 00:33:32,890
fantasies will be up to you, of course.

444
00:33:33,410 --> 00:33:37,850
But just because we share something in
this way doesn't mean that we have to do

445
00:33:37,850 --> 00:33:38,850
it in real life.

446
00:33:44,690 --> 00:33:49,230
Oral sex is, for many people, a part of
their sexual menu either as a whole

447
00:33:49,230 --> 00:33:51,230
banquet, or as one dish in a meal.

448
00:33:52,510 --> 00:33:55,390
Mouth play is perhaps the most intimate
form of lovemaking.

449
00:33:56,070 --> 00:34:01,730
The lips and tongue are a delicious
means of exploring and showing that you

450
00:34:01,730 --> 00:34:02,730
your partner's body.

451
00:34:03,010 --> 00:34:04,990
I adore oral sex.

452
00:34:05,290 --> 00:34:06,810
I think it's wonderful.

453
00:34:07,190 --> 00:34:08,029
Me too.

454
00:34:08,030 --> 00:34:09,989
We're the oral sex angler. Oh,
absolutely.

455
00:34:10,610 --> 00:34:13,710
The ultimate maybe mouth to genital
contact.

456
00:34:14,190 --> 00:34:19,230
But there's a lot of skin area besides,
including major erogenous areas such as

457
00:34:19,230 --> 00:34:21,230
the lips, earlobes and nipples.

458
00:34:23,850 --> 00:34:27,030
The whole subject calls for trust and
reassurance.

459
00:34:28,210 --> 00:34:31,370
Men can sometimes find it difficult to
relax and enjoy.

460
00:34:31,989 --> 00:34:35,929
They may even fear that their partner
will inadvertently bite their penis.

461
00:34:36,310 --> 00:34:40,030
Either partner may worry about the
appearance of their genitals or genital

462
00:34:40,030 --> 00:34:42,810
odour. Women can fear being choked.

463
00:34:43,159 --> 00:34:47,679
by taking a penis too deeply into their
mouth or worry about the taste or harm

464
00:34:47,679 --> 00:34:53,199
of swallowing semen i can't personally
think of any reason whatsoever why

465
00:34:53,199 --> 00:34:58,860
anybody would find oral sex giving or
receiving distasteful i suppose i can

466
00:34:58,860 --> 00:35:04,140
maybe from the taste point of view for a
girl receiving semen that maybe they

467
00:35:04,140 --> 00:35:07,520
find it unpleasant i think maybe it's
because if you haven't done it before

468
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,940
don't know what to expect you don't know
what the taste is going to be like how

469
00:35:09,940 --> 00:35:14,890
much is going to be of it But I think do
it once and you'll convert.

470
00:35:16,210 --> 00:35:20,510
These fears and misunderstandings can be
overcome if you both want to by

471
00:35:20,510 --> 00:35:25,030
ensuring cleanliness, either getting
used to the taste of semen or not going

472
00:35:25,030 --> 00:35:28,630
far as orgasm, covering teeth with lips
and so on.

473
00:35:29,070 --> 00:35:31,690
But the real issue is a willingness to
try.

474
00:35:33,690 --> 00:35:38,150
If shyness or deeper inhibitions get in
the way, try to overcome them gradually.

475
00:35:39,950 --> 00:35:44,270
One effective way is to build the
thought of oral sex into your erotic

476
00:35:44,270 --> 00:35:45,270
fantasies.

477
00:35:47,190 --> 00:35:49,610
How about trying the following practical
steps?

478
00:35:50,130 --> 00:35:54,470
Always stopping or even going back a
stage as soon as you feel uncomfortable.

479
00:35:56,870 --> 00:36:00,390
Begin by enjoying having oral contact
with other parts of the body.

480
00:36:00,730 --> 00:36:02,330
Kiss your partner's genitals.

481
00:36:02,970 --> 00:36:05,570
Take this slowly and find out what you
both enjoy.

482
00:36:07,230 --> 00:36:09,390
Gently try licking specific areas.

483
00:36:09,850 --> 00:36:13,950
For the man, begin with the clitoris.
For the woman, the head of the penis.

484
00:36:14,950 --> 00:36:17,310
Try taking your partner's penis into
your mouth.

485
00:36:18,210 --> 00:36:21,490
Bring him close to orgasm, perhaps, but
finish off outside.

486
00:36:22,870 --> 00:36:24,190
Try tasting the semen.

487
00:36:24,870 --> 00:36:26,910
Try going the whole way with each other.

488
00:36:27,330 --> 00:36:31,430
The woman, perhaps starting off by
spitting out the semen into a paper

489
00:36:31,450 --> 00:36:34,230
and the man bringing her to a climax
with his tongue.

490
00:36:35,050 --> 00:36:38,990
With time and encouragement, even the
most reserved of people can overcome

491
00:36:38,990 --> 00:36:43,210
inhibitions and open up a whole new area
of love and enjoyment in their sex

492
00:36:43,210 --> 00:36:44,210
lives.

493
00:36:44,610 --> 00:36:49,710
Of course, oral sex, including the
genitals, isn't everyone's idea of fun,

494
00:36:49,710 --> 00:36:53,630
for some it'll be a pleasure they enjoy
only when highly aroused or as a

495
00:36:53,630 --> 00:36:54,990
particular favour for one another.

496
00:37:04,810 --> 00:37:09,670
True lovemaking is personalized to one's
partner, involves mutual commitment,

497
00:37:09,830 --> 00:37:12,110
and is an integral part of a couple's
lifestyle.

498
00:37:13,190 --> 00:37:19,130
It calls for insight and imagination,
improves with time, can be varied

499
00:37:19,130 --> 00:37:23,890
according to our needs, knows no
barriers, adapts well to occasional

500
00:37:23,990 --> 00:37:25,870
and positively encourages improvement.

501
00:37:27,490 --> 00:37:29,970
Above all, it involves communication.

502
00:37:32,310 --> 00:37:37,190
No true partnership can grow unless the
people involved are constantly open to

503
00:37:37,190 --> 00:37:40,550
sharing the initiative and reassessing
what's going on between them.

504
00:38:01,210 --> 00:38:05,300
In a loving sexual relationship, Power
and control are not issues.

505
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:07,880
There's give and take on both sides.

506
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:20,620
Such a couple are constantly
reappraising their loving and sexual

507
00:38:20,620 --> 00:38:22,880
things don't stagnate or become boring.

508
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:27,860
It'll be obvious by now that the way I
see intercourse is not as the start of a

509
00:38:27,860 --> 00:38:31,520
relationship, but as the consummation of
a lovemaking partnership.

510
00:38:40,330 --> 00:38:44,410
Where do all the sex positions we hear
so much about actually fit in?

511
00:38:45,070 --> 00:38:49,450
True intercourse, as opposed to loveless
copulation, has so many valuable

512
00:38:49,450 --> 00:38:53,390
aspects to it that the position in which
we make love becomes almost

513
00:38:53,390 --> 00:38:54,390
insignificant.

514
00:38:57,590 --> 00:39:02,090
Many happily matched couples say that
they make love in the same few positions

515
00:39:02,090 --> 00:39:05,150
for the whole of their lives together
and greatly enjoy it.

516
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:13,320
But we can enhance our pleasure in sex
by choosing positions that are better

517
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:14,320
one or both of us.

518
00:39:14,620 --> 00:39:16,020
So what really matters?

519
00:39:17,180 --> 00:39:21,500
First of all, the angle at which the
penis enters the vagina can make a lot

520
00:39:21,500 --> 00:39:23,660
difference to the sensations for both
partners.

521
00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:29,000
By and large, when the woman has her
legs straight, penetration is

522
00:39:29,020 --> 00:39:31,080
and when they are drawn back, deepest.

523
00:39:31,850 --> 00:39:36,110
By altering her leg positions, a woman
can make her man's penis come into

524
00:39:36,110 --> 00:39:38,870
contact with almost anywhere she likes
within her pelvis.

525
00:39:39,470 --> 00:39:43,370
Wendy has got such incredible muscles
and one thing Wendy has done ever since

526
00:39:43,370 --> 00:39:48,070
early days from what I understand, she's
always worked very hard in making sure

527
00:39:48,070 --> 00:39:52,470
she can hold her muscles in the right
position and it even practices with,

528
00:39:52,490 --> 00:39:53,490
a pencil or something.

529
00:39:54,450 --> 00:39:58,330
Positions in which the woman is on all
fours allows the penis to penetrate

530
00:39:58,330 --> 00:40:02,940
deeply. and also to stimulate the front
wall of the vagina around the G -spot.

531
00:40:03,460 --> 00:40:08,140
This can be exquisite for women, and a
few say that they can only ever climax

532
00:40:08,140 --> 00:40:10,620
during intercourse when using this
position.

533
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:15,760
Either can reach the woman's clitoris,
and this in itself can make for high

534
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:16,900
levels of arousal.

535
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,080
Sex at its best involves quite a lot of
movement.

536
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:26,000
Certain positions are best depending on
which one wants to move.

537
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:31,100
Obviously. Man on top positions, like
the missionary position, mean that the

538
00:40:31,100 --> 00:40:32,120
woman can't move much.

539
00:40:32,580 --> 00:40:36,100
But when she is on top, she's free to
move about as much as she likes.

540
00:40:37,060 --> 00:40:40,180
But it's not just the whole of our
bodies that we can move when making

541
00:40:41,060 --> 00:40:43,980
A woman can contract her pelvic muscles
on her man's penis.

542
00:40:44,860 --> 00:40:46,580
This can be highly arousing for both.

543
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:51,460
I enjoy a lot of position, whatever
feels good at the time.

544
00:40:52,020 --> 00:40:55,820
Basically, we're not too inhibited about
what we do, if inhibited at all.

545
00:40:57,130 --> 00:41:01,910
He too can twitch his penis to produce
exciting sensations inside her.

546
00:41:04,010 --> 00:41:08,410
With practice and openness, it's
possible to develop a whole range of

547
00:41:08,410 --> 00:41:12,670
and rewarding movements and rhythms that
can transform the sex act from ordinary

548
00:41:12,670 --> 00:41:13,670
to memorable.

549
00:41:14,290 --> 00:41:19,550
This is yet another area in which a
couple can explore, tease, enrich, and

550
00:41:19,550 --> 00:41:22,990
expand their sexual repertoire if
they're willing to experiment and learn.

551
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:27,860
As you become more experienced with one
another, you'll be able to build up a

552
00:41:27,860 --> 00:41:32,120
collection of lovemaking positions that
suit every occasion, every mood.

553
00:41:32,420 --> 00:41:36,260
This personalised sort of lovemaking is
an investment that ensures maximum

554
00:41:36,260 --> 00:41:40,400
pleasure most of the time, and makes
other members of the opposite sex seem a

555
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:41,400
very poor second best.

556
00:41:44,940 --> 00:41:48,480
Much has been written and said about how
to behave after sex.

557
00:41:49,230 --> 00:41:54,250
The truth is that most people feel
content, relaxed, loving and often ready

558
00:41:54,250 --> 00:41:56,710
sleep, especially if they make love in
the evening.

559
00:41:56,930 --> 00:42:00,610
It's a big build -up and then it's like
a release and I sort of feel really like

560
00:42:00,610 --> 00:42:06,010
relaxed and there's absolutely like no
strength left and crossed out sort of

561
00:42:06,010 --> 00:42:11,270
thing. Intercourse can stir up big
emotions, if only on some occasions, and

562
00:42:11,270 --> 00:42:13,970
people like to cuddle and talk
intimately after sex.

563
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:19,040
It's probably a mistake, though, to make
too much of this and expect meaningful

564
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:22,420
or deeply significant sharing after most
lovemaking sessions.

565
00:42:23,140 --> 00:42:29,040
A satisfactory and satisfying sexual
life builds trust and intimacy, which

566
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,960
most of us more able to share intimacies
at any time.

567
00:42:34,460 --> 00:42:39,060
It's natural for couples like this to
want to experiment and enhance their

568
00:42:39,060 --> 00:42:40,480
lovemaking in all kinds of ways.

569
00:42:41,670 --> 00:42:46,970
Sex toys, erotic videos, sexy dressing
up games and many other activities can

570
00:42:46,970 --> 00:42:52,110
enable us to indulge our needs for
variety and novelty, yet stay faithful

571
00:42:52,110 --> 00:42:53,170
one -to -one relationship.

572
00:42:54,110 --> 00:42:58,350
Don't be scared to experiment, you know.
Not to get stale or in any kind of rut.

573
00:42:58,450 --> 00:43:01,790
You must always keep that spark, you
know, try and excite your partner.

574
00:43:05,090 --> 00:43:10,090
In this way, couples can become self
-sufficient for a whole lifetime

575
00:43:26,830 --> 00:43:32,790
Sex is a highly complex part of our
lives, and reflects our past, our

576
00:43:32,930 --> 00:43:36,470
and especially our current moods and
emotions outside the bedroom.

577
00:43:36,890 --> 00:43:42,430
Most of us know that sometimes sex is
great, and sometimes a disaster. But for

578
00:43:42,430 --> 00:43:45,590
most of us, the majority of the time,
sex is simply okay.

579
00:43:46,430 --> 00:43:50,010
If you work on the basic assumption that
out of every ten lovemaking sessions

580
00:43:50,010 --> 00:43:54,250
it'll be brilliant once, a disaster
about once or twice, and the rest of the

581
00:43:54,250 --> 00:43:56,860
time it'll simply be okay, you won't go
far wrong.

582
00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:01,100
Sex really, when it comes down to it, is
really like most things in life.

583
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:05,760
Sometimes it's an unfulfilled thing for
both of you.

584
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:10,940
Many couples believe the myth that sex
should score 10 out of 10 every time.

585
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:13,360
Of course, it can't.

586
00:44:16,420 --> 00:44:20,660
When there are problems, sex and marital
therapists find that helping couples

587
00:44:20,660 --> 00:44:24,420
get things right outside the bedroom
often sorts things out within it.

588
00:44:27,630 --> 00:44:32,170
Some people think that a row can be
solved by having sex, but there's no

589
00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:35,490
turn -off than when we are feeling hurt,
misunderstood and angry.

590
00:44:36,390 --> 00:44:39,910
So much of our enjoyment of sex depends
on our current emotional and

591
00:44:39,910 --> 00:44:44,510
psychological state, and few couples who
have a bad relationship have a good sex

592
00:44:44,510 --> 00:44:45,510
life.

593
00:44:46,810 --> 00:44:52,130
Other factors which affect sex are our
state of health, how much energy we

594
00:44:52,430 --> 00:44:54,330
how our partner's feeling,

595
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:58,320
the stresses and strains of family and
everyday life, and so on.

596
00:45:00,420 --> 00:45:05,720
When sex goes wrong, it's helpful to
remember to take things gently and not

597
00:45:05,720 --> 00:45:07,120
start worrying unnecessarily.

598
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:12,480
Worry in itself can turn a short -term
hiccup into a real problem.

599
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:20,660
Catch things early on, and you won't
become disappointed and let failure

600
00:45:20,660 --> 00:45:21,660
feeding on itself.

601
00:45:23,300 --> 00:45:24,340
Some men...

602
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:29,840
can come to believe that any sexual
failure is the beginning of the end of

603
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:30,840
sexual life.

604
00:45:31,340 --> 00:45:35,680
This concern is usually unfounded, but
worrying about it can make it become a

605
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:40,500
fact. If it's just the odd disappointing
episode, try abstaining from

606
00:45:40,500 --> 00:45:43,960
intercourse for a few days, and you'll
be surprised how quickly things can get

607
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:44,960
back to normal.

608
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:47,200
Remember to talk about things.

609
00:45:48,140 --> 00:45:51,960
A partner's problem outside the bedroom
may result in the other feeling hurt and

610
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:55,760
rejected in bed, because they are just
not aware of what is going wrong.

611
00:45:56,040 --> 00:46:01,020
On many occasions, a simple chat or a
cuddle will avoid hurt and rejection at

612
00:46:01,020 --> 00:46:02,020
later stage.

613
00:46:02,860 --> 00:46:06,780
Even if one of you has a more persistent
sexual problem, there may be things

614
00:46:06,780 --> 00:46:09,320
that you can do for yourselves to remedy
the situation.

615
00:46:10,460 --> 00:46:13,400
Poor arousal is the most common
complaint in women.

616
00:46:13,820 --> 00:46:18,000
But this can often be overcome if the
man spends more time doing what she

617
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:19,880
especially caressing her clitoris.

618
00:46:20,380 --> 00:46:25,400
I can't actually have an orgasm unless
I've been sort of stimulated for a

619
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:26,440
certain amount of time anyway.

620
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:33,260
The only time I do orgasm is if I do
talk dirty whilst making love,

621
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:37,600
or if it's a big build -up with oral sex
before the intercourse.

622
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:41,860
It does take a lot of hard work and a
builder for me to reach that.

623
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:45,480
I think it's just, if you think about
it, you won't.

624
00:46:46,740 --> 00:46:51,000
Remember that although most women find
intercourse enjoyable, the vast majority

625
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:53,280
don't have an orgasm from penetration
alone.

626
00:46:53,780 --> 00:46:58,180
If a woman does want to have an orgasm
during lovemaking, it often helps if she

627
00:46:58,180 --> 00:47:02,480
first learns to bring herself to a
climax and then teaches her partner how

628
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:03,480
the same.

629
00:47:03,660 --> 00:47:07,900
Such a couple can now change their love
-making techniques to include things

630
00:47:07,900 --> 00:47:09,860
that make orgasms more likely for the
woman.

631
00:47:10,660 --> 00:47:14,760
Often this will involve more loving
behaviour in everyday life, and the man

632
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:17,200
taking more time and care when making
love.

633
00:47:18,340 --> 00:47:22,840
A man can help his partner have an
orgasm during penetration by using a

634
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:27,380
that gives maximum stimulation to the
clitoris, or they as a couple can use a

635
00:47:27,380 --> 00:47:31,320
position that allows either to stimulate
the clitoral area manually during

636
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:32,320
intercourse.

637
00:47:34,980 --> 00:47:39,660
Ejaculating too soon can be overcome in
many cases by the man alone, as we saw

638
00:47:39,660 --> 00:47:41,260
earlier, or by the couple.

639
00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:46,940
You can help your man with his premature
ejaculation by getting him aroused and

640
00:47:46,940 --> 00:47:49,580
then asking him to tell you when he
feels he's about to cum.

641
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:55,620
When he gives you a signal, use this
squeeze technique until he loses his

642
00:47:55,620 --> 00:47:56,620
erection.

643
00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:01,460
Repeat the process over several
arousals, perhaps over some weeks, until

644
00:48:01,460 --> 00:48:03,580
confident that he can control his
ejaculation.

645
00:48:05,070 --> 00:48:09,110
Even a very trigger -happy man can be
helped in this way over a few weeks to

646
00:48:09,110 --> 00:48:10,730
have perfect ejaculatory control.

647
00:48:13,990 --> 00:48:18,730
A good start when dealing with sex
problems yourself is to take the

648
00:48:18,730 --> 00:48:20,790
intercourse and get back to courtship.

649
00:48:21,570 --> 00:48:24,930
This helps us learn to love and be loved
in other ways.

650
00:48:26,150 --> 00:48:29,870
You could use various parts of this
video as a sexual program for

651
00:48:30,090 --> 00:48:35,010
doing things in stages in order to
develop both the way you relate and your

652
00:48:35,010 --> 00:48:36,010
lives together.

653
00:48:41,390 --> 00:48:44,790
Begin by going back to courting each
other in your everyday lives.

654
00:48:46,610 --> 00:48:49,310
Make sure you're completely happy with
each other naked.

655
00:48:52,050 --> 00:48:55,270
Massage one another sensually, just for
the pleasure of it.

656
00:48:57,570 --> 00:49:01,650
Make the massage more erotic, but
without going for an orgasm.

657
00:49:04,170 --> 00:49:06,590
Get to know one another's genitals
intimately.

658
00:49:09,870 --> 00:49:11,190
Masturbate in front of one another.

659
00:49:13,750 --> 00:49:14,750
Masturbate each other.

660
00:49:17,190 --> 00:49:20,070
Tell one another your fantasies, if they
can be shared.

661
00:49:22,250 --> 00:49:24,710
Find which sexual positions suit you
best.

662
00:49:25,830 --> 00:49:28,950
And lastly, take it in turns to initiate
things.

663
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:36,460
By following this series of 10 steps
over some weeks or months, you will be

664
00:49:36,460 --> 00:49:40,260
on the way to abandoning old restraints
and inhibitions and learning to

665
00:49:40,260 --> 00:49:43,420
cooperate, growing together and trusting
one another.

666
00:49:45,260 --> 00:49:50,720
The main point is to increase
communication, not just sexually, but

667
00:49:50,720 --> 00:49:51,720
relationship generally.

668
00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:58,160
If you follow a program like this, you
can change sex from copulation into real

669
00:49:58,160 --> 00:49:59,160
lovemaking.

670
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:10,560
On the vast majority of occasions that
we make love, we are not trying for a

671
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:15,320
baby. As most couples have only one or
two babies in their whole sexual

672
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:20,480
together, it's obvious that sex today
has much less to do with procreation

673
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:21,480
with recreation.

674
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:27,500
Modern contraception has largely taken
away the anxiety that sexual pleasure

675
00:50:27,500 --> 00:50:29,100
might lead to unwanted pregnancy.

676
00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:33,740
All contraceptive methods have their
successes and failures.

677
00:50:34,380 --> 00:50:37,740
The two most effective are sterilization
and the pill.

678
00:50:38,540 --> 00:50:43,160
However, other types can be very
reliable if used with care, and it's

679
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:47,780
matter of trial and error within any one
couple to find which suits them best at

680
00:50:47,780 --> 00:50:50,000
any particular stage of their
reproductive life.

681
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:55,980
In the early years together, the pill is
a favorite because it is so easy to use

682
00:50:55,980 --> 00:50:57,600
and is extremely reliable.

683
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:02,380
Some questions have been raised about
its safety, particularly for women who

684
00:51:02,380 --> 00:51:06,830
smoke. are overweight, or have high
blood pressure, where the risk is

685
00:51:06,830 --> 00:51:07,830
thrombosis.

686
00:51:09,970 --> 00:51:13,450
Unconfirmed links have been made between
using it and breast and cervical

687
00:51:13,450 --> 00:51:17,310
cancer, but equally it may protect
against cancer of the ovaries.

688
00:51:18,530 --> 00:51:23,670
And one great gain for women with long
and heavy periods is in reducing and

689
00:51:23,670 --> 00:51:24,670
regulating these.

690
00:51:25,410 --> 00:51:30,170
Side effects such as depression or
weight gain can usually be overcome by

691
00:51:30,170 --> 00:51:32,550
doctor changing you to a different brand
of pill.

692
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:37,540
In our relationship, Julie being on the
pill is terrific.

693
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:39,480
She used to have really heavy periods.

694
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:42,540
They'd go on for upwards of a week or
more.

695
00:51:43,380 --> 00:51:46,240
And since she's been on the pill,
they're a lot shorter and a lot lighter.

696
00:51:46,720 --> 00:51:50,300
And just from a purely selfish point of
view, that's great because it means we

697
00:51:50,300 --> 00:51:51,300
can have sex more.

698
00:51:57,400 --> 00:52:01,040
Sterilisation is now the most popular
method with couples after they have

699
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:02,600
decided to have no more children.

700
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:07,620
This is usually the stage in a couple's
life before the woman's menopause when

701
00:52:07,620 --> 00:52:10,360
long -term absolute reliability is
called for.

702
00:52:11,180 --> 00:52:15,980
Well over a third of all couples in
their 30s and beyond use this method

703
00:52:15,980 --> 00:52:19,200
either the woman being sterilized or the
man having a vasectomy.

704
00:52:21,660 --> 00:52:26,140
The peace of mind that this brings
enables the couple to devote their love,

705
00:52:26,180 --> 00:52:29,540
attention and material resources to
their existing children.

706
00:52:30,410 --> 00:52:34,990
Many of the couple whose love life
starts a new chapter once fears of

707
00:52:34,990 --> 00:52:36,530
pregnancies are out of the way.

708
00:52:37,730 --> 00:52:41,270
Increasing numbers of couples are
learning about natural family planning.

709
00:52:41,790 --> 00:52:46,450
This sophisticated and modern adaptation
of the rhythm method is based on

710
00:52:46,450 --> 00:52:50,910
identifying the fertile days of a
woman's cycle from changes in her

711
00:52:50,910 --> 00:52:52,670
mucus and body temperature.

712
00:52:53,230 --> 00:52:58,030
The condom or a diaphragm can then be
used during fertile days if she wishes.

713
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:02,680
I was really worried before I had my
vasectomy that it would wreck my sex

714
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,040
but exactly the opposite is the case.

715
00:53:07,500 --> 00:53:11,500
I couldn't bring myself to be sterilised
because if there was an accident

716
00:53:11,500 --> 00:53:14,840
involving my children and they died, I'd
definitely want some more.

717
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:19,060
So Harry had a vasectomy and we spanked
some of his semen as a backup.

718
00:53:19,820 --> 00:53:23,500
It was a big decision for us both to
have my tubes tied. We discussed it with

719
00:53:23,500 --> 00:53:24,459
the doctor.

720
00:53:24,460 --> 00:53:29,080
And even if something happened, Dave
left me or died, we just decided that we

721
00:53:29,080 --> 00:53:31,480
didn't want any more kids and it was the
most sensible thing to do.

722
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:38,100
Other methods, such as the IUD, the
diaphragm, cap and the condom, are, it

723
00:53:38,100 --> 00:53:40,740
be said, not as reliable as the pill or
sterilisation.

724
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:46,720
IUDs are small plastic devices, usually
wound with copper, which are inserted

725
00:53:46,720 --> 00:53:47,960
into the womb by a doctor.

726
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:52,200
They are effective long -term and have a
high reliability rate.

727
00:53:52,660 --> 00:53:56,900
However, they have been known to
increase infection and often lead to

728
00:53:56,900 --> 00:53:57,900
periods.

729
00:53:58,380 --> 00:54:02,980
This and highly publicised problems with
early types has made them unpopular.

730
00:54:04,500 --> 00:54:08,940
Diaphragms and the smaller cervical cap
are made of soft rubber and fit over the

731
00:54:08,940 --> 00:54:11,400
cervix or neck of the womb as a barrier
to sperm.

732
00:54:12,240 --> 00:54:14,640
They must be used with spermicidal
cream.

733
00:54:15,150 --> 00:54:18,310
and are inserted any time up to three
hours before having sex.

734
00:54:18,990 --> 00:54:23,110
I don't want to be taking the pill all
the time because Peter's away so much.

735
00:54:23,110 --> 00:54:24,530
only make love a couple of times a
month.

736
00:54:25,350 --> 00:54:28,310
So it's more convenient to use the
diaphragm. We just use it when he's

737
00:54:31,190 --> 00:54:34,450
The most used barrier method is the
sheath or condom.

738
00:54:34,710 --> 00:54:36,870
It can be put on as part of foreplay.

739
00:54:37,350 --> 00:54:40,910
The air is squeezed out of the tip as
it's placed on the end of the penis and

740
00:54:40,910 --> 00:54:41,910
then unrolled.

741
00:54:42,230 --> 00:54:46,950
Care needs to be taken to anchor the
device during withdrawal so that no

742
00:54:46,950 --> 00:54:47,950
escapes.

743
00:54:48,490 --> 00:54:53,970
Keeping sex alive, fun and exciting,
over any length of time, takes

744
00:54:54,390 --> 00:54:58,350
creativity and an investment of time,
interest and commitment.

745
00:54:59,850 --> 00:55:01,790
Try making love in new places.

746
00:55:02,630 --> 00:55:07,170
Get away for short breaks with one
another whenever you can and take every

747
00:55:07,170 --> 00:55:10,190
opportunity to enrich and enhance your
loving life together.

748
00:55:12,300 --> 00:55:16,580
This will not only make sex an enduring
pleasure, but will increase your value

749
00:55:16,580 --> 00:55:18,280
to one another as special people.

750
00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:27,120
Sex, like any other skill, tends to
improve with time, practice, and the

751
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:28,740
effort needed to try new things.

752
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:34,100
Most couples who enjoy sex make love
frequently.

753
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:39,680
This reliability takes the strain off
when and how many times they have sex.

754
00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:43,760
It becomes an ongoing feature of their
loving life together.

755
00:55:45,540 --> 00:55:51,020
Such a couple communicate well in bed,
in everyday life, and know that

756
00:55:51,020 --> 00:55:53,760
occasional failures will very soon be
overcome.

757
00:55:55,740 --> 00:55:58,260
We've called this video The Lover's
Guide.

758
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:01,460
But remember, it is only a guide.

759
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:07,780
The journey is yours as you seek to
enhance your sexual, romantic, and

760
00:56:07,780 --> 00:56:08,780
life together.

761
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:55,680
Sexual satisfaction is a pleasure that
is open to us all.

762
00:57:56,580 --> 00:58:01,820
Real enjoyment in expressing our sexual
nature positively and without guilt is

763
00:58:01,820 --> 00:58:03,500
one of the glories of being human.

764
00:58:04,780 --> 00:58:09,180
We can all increase our pleasure in this
area of our lives through greater

765
00:58:09,180 --> 00:58:10,180
knowledge and practice.

766
00:58:19,460 --> 00:58:24,330
For the majority of people, The greatest
difficulty of their sexual life is

767
00:58:24,330 --> 00:58:28,010
communicating exactly what they feel or
want to their partner.

768
00:58:30,950 --> 00:58:34,650
Surveys show that communication problems
rank highest of all in the list of

769
00:58:34,650 --> 00:58:36,410
reasons people give for getting
divorced.

770
00:58:38,590 --> 00:58:40,550
He never listened to me, my first guy.

771
00:58:41,010 --> 00:58:43,510
It was just like we were living on
different planets.

772
00:58:44,290 --> 00:58:48,450
I just want him to hear what I was
saying, just so that I could feel he

773
00:58:48,450 --> 00:58:49,450
understood.

774
00:58:49,930 --> 00:58:53,190
My first marriage really flunked because
we became total strangers.

775
00:58:53,650 --> 00:58:57,270
And now my new girlfriend and I really
talk a lot. And as long as we keep on

776
00:58:57,270 --> 00:59:00,950
being open like this, I can't see this
relationship really going wrong.

777
00:59:03,310 --> 00:59:07,610
One of the most important things in a
relationship is to feel that there's

778
00:59:07,610 --> 00:59:08,610
mutual understanding.

779
00:59:09,550 --> 00:59:14,770
Indeed, one of the greatest sources of
friction is feeling misunderstood, or

780
00:59:14,770 --> 00:59:16,810
even perhaps not understood at all.

781
00:59:19,370 --> 00:59:22,630
It first struck me one day when one of
my husband's friends just sat and

782
00:59:22,630 --> 00:59:25,390
listened to me that I realised what I'd
been missing all those years.

783
00:59:25,750 --> 00:59:29,670
Quite honestly, just because he seemed
to understand me, I started falling for

784
00:59:29,670 --> 00:59:30,670
him right there and then.

785
00:59:33,730 --> 00:59:37,750
Although most of us think of
communication between two people as

786
00:59:37,750 --> 00:59:42,130
talking, in fact it has much more to do
with listening.

787
00:59:45,640 --> 00:59:49,060
This can be very difficult to do,
especially when it comes to discussing a

788
00:59:49,060 --> 00:59:51,340
tricky subject such as sex and
relationships.

789
00:59:53,500 --> 00:59:58,740
The first thing we have to do is to put
our own ego to one side so that we can

790
00:59:58,740 --> 01:00:00,500
be truly receptive to our partner.

791
01:00:01,420 --> 01:00:05,860
Very often, our own thoughts get in the
way so badly that we're not listening at

792
01:00:05,860 --> 01:00:07,360
all to what's being said.

793
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:13,280
Though I reckon I express myself
perfectly clearly, he always misses the

794
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:18,060
In my experience, men in general don't
want to hear what women have to say.

795
01:00:19,340 --> 01:00:24,000
Enormous numbers of sexual and
relationship problems would be solved if

796
01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:25,840
listened to one another more
empathically.

797
01:00:26,100 --> 01:00:29,680
The aim is to try to understand what her
partner's feeling.

798
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:36,180
When he says, it seems to me you're
feeling ignored, even if he hasn't quite

799
01:00:36,180 --> 01:00:41,700
it right, it shows he's trying to
understand, and I feel so much warmer

800
01:00:41,700 --> 01:00:46,510
him. I used to always barge in and put
up blocks to what my wife was saying,

801
01:00:46,510 --> 01:00:50,950
I'm trying, and it's helped our
relationship no end. Good sex in strong

802
01:00:50,950 --> 01:00:55,870
relationships happens where partners
recognise that, at its core, there's a

803
01:00:55,870 --> 01:00:57,370
sense of emotional connection.

804
01:00:58,870 --> 01:01:00,870
Try really listening to one another.

805
01:01:01,690 --> 01:01:06,330
Identify your partner's main emotion,
then reflect it back to them in a

806
01:01:06,330 --> 01:01:07,330
and loving way.

807
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:12,200
I've helped more couples to a happier
sex life by improving their

808
01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:15,880
skills than I ever have by helping them
with their better ones.

809
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:52,960
Every couple can benefit from setting
special times aside just for each other.

810
01:01:54,200 --> 01:01:58,920
This is even more important as the years
go by, when most people find that they

811
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:02,020
become lazy about the amount and quality
of time they spend together.

812
01:02:03,420 --> 01:02:08,280
As a result, their intimate life falls
short of what they would like, or even

813
01:02:08,280 --> 01:02:09,280
fails altogether.

814
01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:15,840
Well -meaning resolutions to improve
things don't often work in the long

815
01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:20,860
much more positive is the decision to
create special times to be together.

816
01:02:21,500 --> 01:02:27,120
This provides a way of returning to old
intimacies, or perhaps of discovering

817
01:02:27,120 --> 01:02:29,560
things for the first time, even after
many years.

818
01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:35,760
But for a lot of couples, particularly
those with children or a heavy work

819
01:02:35,760 --> 01:02:39,160
schedule, it can be difficult to find a
few hours just to themselves.

820
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:42,640
If this is the case for you...

821
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:46,320
Pack the kids off to relations or
friends and take the phone off the hook.

822
01:02:48,320 --> 01:02:52,120
Occasionally go further, take a day off
or go away together for a weekend or

823
01:02:52,120 --> 01:02:53,120
more.

824
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:58,980
One of the best times for trying all of
this out is on a sensual holiday.

825
01:02:59,900 --> 01:03:04,000
Getting away together is best. Then we
can really enjoy ourselves in a way that

826
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:05,240
we never can at home.

827
01:03:08,080 --> 01:03:12,180
Anticipation can be increased by giving
one another love notes before the

828
01:03:12,180 --> 01:03:18,500
special event, perhaps sending them to
his or her workplace, or dropping them

829
01:03:18,500 --> 01:03:21,060
a handbag or briefcase for their lover
to discover.

830
01:03:23,440 --> 01:03:27,080
I love it when she phones me and tells
me how much she's looking forward to our

831
01:03:27,080 --> 01:03:27,999
time together.

832
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:31,760
It makes me feel great because I know
she can't wait to be with me.

833
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:39,900
You could have some flowers sent or buy
your partner some underwear to increase

834
01:03:39,900 --> 01:03:40,900
the sense of occasion.

835
01:03:46,620 --> 01:03:51,260
Try to keep away from the obvious and
build up sexual tension with romance and

836
01:03:51,260 --> 01:03:52,260
courtship.

837
01:03:54,220 --> 01:03:59,220
Pick your partner up and take him or her
out for a meal or perhaps even cook a

838
01:03:59,220 --> 01:04:00,220
special one at home.

839
01:04:00,900 --> 01:04:04,440
Tell your lover of the plans you have to
seduce him or her later.

840
01:04:05,260 --> 01:04:06,880
Play some courtship games.

841
01:04:07,580 --> 01:04:10,780
They can be all the more exciting if
there's a danger of discovery.

842
01:04:13,420 --> 01:04:17,900
Hold each other close and arouse one
another with whispered sweet nothings.

843
01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:22,720
If you're in private, few things are
more erotic than stripping each other

844
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:23,840
slowly as you dance.

845
01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:29,880
Stripping for one another can be an art
in itself.

846
01:04:30,480 --> 01:04:33,100
The basic principle is to take things
slowly.

847
01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:36,020
Never to do anything which looks
ridiculous.

848
01:04:36,540 --> 01:04:39,980
Men with socks but no trousers come high
on the list here.

849
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:43,740
And to leave the besties till last.

850
01:04:45,340 --> 01:04:48,620
Touching isn't really allowed, but
you'll probably find that you won't be

851
01:04:48,620 --> 01:04:49,880
to keep your hands off one another.

852
01:04:53,420 --> 01:04:58,240
Don't miss any opportunity in public or
private to touch and kiss in a way that

853
01:04:58,240 --> 01:05:00,120
reinforces your feelings for each other.

854
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:06,340
If you're in public, it could be very
arousing to let your partner know that

855
01:05:06,340 --> 01:05:07,680
you're naked under your top clothes.

856
01:05:09,380 --> 01:05:15,180
At home or at a hotel, don't rush
straight to bed, but have a lingering

857
01:05:15,180 --> 01:05:21,180
shower. Soap each other all over, dry
one another, and pamper each other with

858
01:05:21,180 --> 01:05:22,180
talc or oils.

859
01:05:25,820 --> 01:05:27,220
Make time for massage.

860
01:05:28,500 --> 01:05:31,620
Work on all the different parts of your
lover's body.

861
01:05:32,759 --> 01:05:33,880
Keeping the lights on.

862
01:05:35,820 --> 01:05:39,700
The thing I love about massage is it's
one of the few ways that we can feel

863
01:05:39,700 --> 01:05:43,140
close and loving and yet not have to go
on to sex if we don't want to.

864
01:05:43,860 --> 01:05:48,080
Quite often when I start out, I don't
feel at all turned on, especially if I'm

865
01:05:48,080 --> 01:05:49,080
tired.

866
01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:53,380
But after a while and when we've relaxed
and there's no pressure for sex, I

867
01:05:53,380 --> 01:05:55,260
often feel much better about making
love.

868
01:06:05,450 --> 01:06:08,950
Even if it's just something as simple as
stroking the palm of my hand, it can

869
01:06:08,950 --> 01:06:10,850
drive me wild. It's strange, isn't it?

870
01:06:17,190 --> 01:06:18,850
Share a bottle of wine in bed.

871
01:06:19,050 --> 01:06:23,390
Alcohol can often break down inhibitions
and increase communication like nothing

872
01:06:23,390 --> 01:06:24,390
else.

873
01:06:26,050 --> 01:06:29,030
Always remember that other form of oral
sex.

874
01:06:29,670 --> 01:06:30,670
Talking sexy.

875
01:06:31,210 --> 01:06:34,770
There are few people who don't get
turned on by hearing their partner

876
01:06:34,770 --> 01:06:38,730
sexily to them, especially about their
favourite fantasies.

877
01:06:39,470 --> 01:06:42,230
If you're both happy about it, try
acting them out.

878
01:06:43,150 --> 01:06:47,590
I love to hear what his fantasies are,
as long as he goes gently at first.

879
01:06:48,730 --> 01:06:52,270
I used to worry that he'd actually want
me to act them out, but now I know it's

880
01:06:52,270 --> 01:06:55,370
not what it's about, and he just uses
them as a turn -on.

881
01:06:57,270 --> 01:07:00,090
She doesn't often talk dirty, but when
she does...

882
01:07:00,510 --> 01:07:01,510
Wow.

883
01:07:02,270 --> 01:07:04,150
Give each other personal compliments.

884
01:07:04,830 --> 01:07:06,430
Say what feels good for you.

885
01:07:07,810 --> 01:07:11,030
On special occasions, try filling the
bedroom with flowers.

886
01:07:13,550 --> 01:07:17,950
You will often find that the things
which you discover whilst you're away

887
01:07:17,950 --> 01:07:19,890
together can be continued at home.

888
01:07:20,850 --> 01:07:25,470
All this sexual enhancement can, of
course, be practiced at any time and any

889
01:07:25,470 --> 01:07:28,670
place, and is often more erotic when
done spontaneously.

890
01:07:29,710 --> 01:07:34,950
It's amazing how much good such special
times together can do for a

891
01:07:34,950 --> 01:07:35,950
relationship.

892
01:07:44,990 --> 01:07:49,830
The word foreplay is slightly misleading
because it gives the impression that it

893
01:07:49,830 --> 01:07:51,450
has to come before something else.

894
01:07:52,470 --> 01:07:56,770
But there's absolutely no reason why a
really good sex session should always

895
01:07:56,770 --> 01:07:57,770
involve intercourse.

896
01:07:58,540 --> 01:08:02,260
Playing around, you know, like kissing
and cuddling, often that's just better

897
01:08:02,260 --> 01:08:03,260
than actual sex.

898
01:08:15,780 --> 01:08:21,160
Foreplay and non -penetrative pleasuring
of this kind can start outside the

899
01:08:21,160 --> 01:08:22,160
bedroom.

900
01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:27,040
Kissing is an activity which we all used
to linger over in our teens.

901
01:08:27,680 --> 01:08:28,680
And why?

902
01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:30,279
Because it was vastly enjoyable.

903
01:08:30,760 --> 01:08:34,700
I don't really know why we don't kiss so
much now, but when we do, it turns me

904
01:08:34,700 --> 01:08:35,700
on like mad.

905
01:08:38,700 --> 01:08:43,140
Kissing is an art in itself, which can
take many forms depending on the moon of

906
01:08:43,140 --> 01:08:44,140
the moment.

907
01:08:44,319 --> 01:08:47,660
There are no rules, but try starting
slowly and gently.

908
01:08:48,939 --> 01:08:51,420
Build up with the lips relishing the
contact.

909
01:08:53,319 --> 01:08:56,779
Channel all your feelings and emotions
through your mouth and tongue.

910
01:08:57,390 --> 01:08:59,830
and you'll find your partner will
naturally respond.

911
01:09:01,229 --> 01:09:03,609
Tease by kissing other parts of the
face.

912
01:09:04,670 --> 01:09:09,310
Gentle nibbling of your lover's lips and
earlobes through to bites on the neck

913
01:09:09,310 --> 01:09:10,609
can be very erotic.

914
01:09:13,229 --> 01:09:15,670
Draw your lips across your partner's
face.

915
01:09:16,010 --> 01:09:18,930
Let the passion build slowly and
delicately.

916
01:09:19,470 --> 01:09:23,370
A really firm lips -to -lips kiss can
leave both partners breathless.

917
01:09:26,510 --> 01:09:28,649
Run your tongue around your partner's
teeth.

918
01:09:29,090 --> 01:09:31,350
Push it into their mouth as the
excitement builds.

919
01:09:32,029 --> 01:09:36,810
Try with both mouths fully open, playing
tongue battle, a sort of sword fight

920
01:09:36,810 --> 01:09:37,810
with the tongue.

921
01:09:43,649 --> 01:09:45,810
Don't just restrict kissing to the
mouth, though.

922
01:09:46,170 --> 01:09:47,770
Kiss other parts of the body, too.

923
01:09:53,200 --> 01:09:56,680
Kiss the throat, the nipples, the
stomach and then go down to your

924
01:09:56,680 --> 01:09:57,680
toes and feet.

925
01:10:00,560 --> 01:10:03,900
Massaging the soles of the feet while
kissing drives many people wild.

926
01:10:16,400 --> 01:10:20,520
This tongue bath can be delicious to
both giver and receiver.

927
01:10:23,170 --> 01:10:25,790
Small thucks and bites are also very
erotic.

928
01:10:27,550 --> 01:10:30,190
Try wetting an area and blowing on it.

929
01:10:33,610 --> 01:10:36,330
Nibble your partner's skin in places
that they find exciting.

930
01:10:38,470 --> 01:10:41,350
I just love it when he kisses the back
of my neck.

931
01:10:41,630 --> 01:10:44,710
I just feel tingly all over and it's
just wonderful.

932
01:10:53,770 --> 01:10:57,970
Men often say that their nipples become
highly aroused as they get excited.

933
01:10:59,270 --> 01:11:03,210
To be honest, my body isn't that
sensitive. But when she gently bites my

934
01:11:03,210 --> 01:11:05,110
nipples, I melt in her arms.

935
01:11:10,110 --> 01:11:14,270
Whilst we are looking at subtle skin
sensations, how about this sort of

936
01:11:14,270 --> 01:11:15,370
spider massage?

937
01:11:16,110 --> 01:11:19,330
Many people say that they could lie
there for hours having this done to

938
01:11:26,490 --> 01:11:30,970
Learning how to caress a partner
requires experience, understanding and a

939
01:11:30,970 --> 01:11:32,450
willingness to be open to their
feedback.

940
01:11:33,730 --> 01:11:37,730
The couple who can masturbate each other
well are in tune for virtually any

941
01:11:37,730 --> 01:11:38,730
mutual enjoyment.

942
01:11:40,410 --> 01:11:44,350
I didn't used to really know what I was
supposed to do with a dick, so I just

943
01:11:44,350 --> 01:11:45,350
avoided touching it.

944
01:11:47,310 --> 01:11:51,430
The shaft of the penis can be grasped
with all your fingers just below the

945
01:11:51,950 --> 01:11:53,090
The grip can vary.

946
01:11:53,710 --> 01:11:56,170
But remember that it can rarely be held
too tightly.

947
01:11:57,570 --> 01:11:59,150
Be more gentle with the top.

948
01:11:59,830 --> 01:12:04,650
Pickling that, especially the bridge of
the skin at the back, the frenum, can be

949
01:12:04,650 --> 01:12:09,570
electric. But if you are going to rub
it, use a lubricant or saliva or it can

950
01:12:09,570 --> 01:12:10,570
painful.

951
01:12:11,770 --> 01:12:16,470
If either of you want him to climax,
pump down hard, firmly stretching the

952
01:12:16,470 --> 01:12:21,390
frenum. Even more arousing is really
firm but slow masturbation, which will

953
01:12:21,390 --> 01:12:22,950
him squirming with pleasure.

954
01:12:32,810 --> 01:12:36,030
Some men enjoy a well -lubricated finger
in the anus.

955
01:12:36,490 --> 01:12:40,010
This allows the woman to rub the
prostate with the pad of a finger.

956
01:12:40,570 --> 01:12:44,630
It is quite safe as long as your
fingernails are short and you don't then

957
01:12:44,630 --> 01:12:46,450
that same finger on your own vagina.

958
01:12:47,410 --> 01:12:52,090
Some women, too, enjoy this form of
foreplay. This index finger and thumb

959
01:12:52,090 --> 01:12:56,930
technique can be delicious, as is the
whole hand grip with a thumb trailing

960
01:12:56,930 --> 01:12:57,930
the frenum.

961
01:12:57,990 --> 01:13:01,210
But be sure to use lots of lubrication
or it can be tender.

962
01:13:02,670 --> 01:13:07,850
Other variations include rolling the
penis like dough between both hands or

963
01:13:07,850 --> 01:13:10,130
using one to roll it against your thigh.

964
01:13:11,450 --> 01:13:15,370
Caressing the penis like this isn't just
a way of producing male orgasm of

965
01:13:15,370 --> 01:13:19,750
course. It's also useful for stiffening
him for intercourse, particularly for a

966
01:13:19,750 --> 01:13:20,750
second time.

967
01:13:23,510 --> 01:13:28,090
You can also take him in your mouth,
which many men find uniquely intimate

968
01:13:28,090 --> 01:13:29,430
one of the greatest turn -ons.

969
01:13:30,190 --> 01:13:34,990
Though often referred to as sucking off,
actually sucking is not the only form

970
01:13:34,990 --> 01:13:35,990
of stimulation.

971
01:13:36,390 --> 01:13:40,470
Try drawing the penis in and out of your
mouth with your lips, covering your

972
01:13:40,470 --> 01:13:42,270
teeth to avoid inadvertent bites.

973
01:13:43,070 --> 01:13:45,390
Roll your tongue around the shaft and
head.

974
01:13:45,850 --> 01:13:50,770
Use it to explore the opening, but
mostly concentrate on the frenum.

975
01:13:51,290 --> 01:13:53,650
That, to him, is like your clitoris.

976
01:13:54,250 --> 01:13:58,790
His sensations will be vastly increased
if you flick and strum the frenum with

977
01:13:58,790 --> 01:13:59,790
your tongue.

978
01:14:01,419 --> 01:14:04,160
Kissing and licking his balls is also
very pleasurable.

979
01:14:06,000 --> 01:14:08,480
He may sometimes want to come in your
mouth.

980
01:14:08,880 --> 01:14:13,520
If so, it'll be about a teaspoonful of
harmless, salty -tasting fluid.

981
01:14:14,220 --> 01:14:16,700
Like Oyston, it can be an acquired
taste.

982
01:14:17,360 --> 01:14:20,040
If you don't like it, he can ejaculate
outside.

983
01:14:21,420 --> 01:14:25,560
When men try to caress their partners,
they sometimes don't realise how

984
01:14:25,560 --> 01:14:29,180
uncomfortable or painful it can be when
done without thought and care.

985
01:14:30,320 --> 01:14:32,020
Most men need guidance at first.

986
01:14:33,100 --> 01:14:37,080
It's very difficult for them to discover
how to do it properly just by trial and

987
01:14:37,080 --> 01:14:41,580
error. I find that even a fraction of an
inch can make all the difference

988
01:14:41,580 --> 01:14:46,400
between success and failure, so
sometimes I have to remind him.

989
01:14:47,860 --> 01:14:51,800
Hold his hands and fingers so that he
knows exactly what rhythm and pressure

990
01:14:51,800 --> 01:14:52,800
pleases you best.

991
01:14:54,300 --> 01:14:58,980
Show him gently, and remember,
encouragement always works better than

992
01:15:00,780 --> 01:15:04,880
I had lots of women before we were
married, but I realise now how much I

993
01:15:04,880 --> 01:15:05,880
learn.

994
01:15:07,980 --> 01:15:12,820
First of all, the man should know the
geography, particularly of the inner

995
01:15:13,080 --> 01:15:15,280
clitoris and vaginal open.

996
01:15:16,440 --> 01:15:21,620
A good way to start is gently to stroke
the whole pubic area, including the

997
01:15:21,620 --> 01:15:23,600
inner thighs and outer lips of the
vulva.

998
01:15:25,390 --> 01:15:29,570
Though the clitoris is the centre of
female arousal, many women dislike too

999
01:15:29,570 --> 01:15:30,570
direct an approach.

1000
01:15:31,830 --> 01:15:35,830
When you do start on the clitoris
itself, ensure that the whole area is

1001
01:15:35,830 --> 01:15:39,110
lubricated, because it's very sensitive
and can become sore.

1002
01:15:47,410 --> 01:15:52,850
The clitoris has a hood which retracts,
but once the head is exposed, it may be

1003
01:15:52,850 --> 01:15:54,150
too sensitive for direct stimulation.

1004
01:15:55,340 --> 01:16:00,960
If this is so, work around its base,
rubbing side to side or up and down, on

1005
01:16:00,960 --> 01:16:02,020
ridge you can feel there.

1006
01:16:03,400 --> 01:16:06,960
Circular movements around the clitoris
itself can also produce exciting

1007
01:16:06,960 --> 01:16:07,960
sensations.

1008
01:16:08,140 --> 01:16:12,340
Be guided by what she tells you, and by
what you've learned when watching her

1009
01:16:12,340 --> 01:16:13,340
masturbate.

1010
01:16:18,860 --> 01:16:23,660
She may not want to be penetrated
manually until external stimulation and

1011
01:16:23,660 --> 01:16:25,500
lovemaking has produced enough
lubrication.

1012
01:16:26,360 --> 01:16:31,260
A good way to start to explore the
vagina is to place the flat of the hand

1013
01:16:31,260 --> 01:16:34,280
the vulva so that the ball presses on
the pubic bone.

1014
01:16:34,760 --> 01:16:39,040
The other fingers now stimulate the
outer lips, and the middle finger is

1015
01:16:39,040 --> 01:16:40,440
be gently inserted into the vagina.

1016
01:16:42,160 --> 01:16:46,800
Some women like the stretching effect of
two or more fingers, so long as they're

1017
01:16:46,800 --> 01:16:47,800
well lubricated.

1018
01:16:48,010 --> 01:16:52,570
And some have a G -spot on the front
inside wall of their vagina, which can

1019
01:16:52,570 --> 01:16:53,770
stroked with the pad of a finger.

1020
01:16:54,810 --> 01:16:57,450
It's possible for some women to reach an
orgasm in this way.

1021
01:16:58,690 --> 01:17:03,050
If you want to bring your lover to
orgasm by hand, a good rule is to create

1022
01:17:03,050 --> 01:17:06,610
steady rhythm with either or both
clitoral and vaginal stimulation.

1023
01:17:08,330 --> 01:17:12,630
Remember, though, that it's through her
clitoris that orgasm is most likely to

1024
01:17:12,630 --> 01:17:13,630
be achieved.

1025
01:17:14,470 --> 01:17:19,150
You could try using two or three well
-lubricated fingers in a firm and

1026
01:17:19,150 --> 01:17:24,270
rhythm on or around her clitoris. And if
this excites her, it's likely to be

1027
01:17:24,270 --> 01:17:26,230
only a matter of time before she reaches
a climax.

1028
01:17:33,450 --> 01:17:37,050
When you first start having oral sex
with a woman, take it gradually.

1029
01:17:37,430 --> 01:17:40,450
For example, make it the end point of a
carpet of kisses.

1030
01:17:41,550 --> 01:17:45,870
Some women are concerned about vaginal
odour, though most men don't mind about

1031
01:17:45,870 --> 01:17:46,870
this at all.

1032
01:17:47,350 --> 01:17:50,450
Others are simply embarrassed at the
thought of being kissed there.

1033
01:17:55,570 --> 01:18:01,610
Begin by kissing the insides of her
thighs, around her pubis, and then the

1034
01:18:01,610 --> 01:18:02,610
lips of her vulva.

1035
01:18:05,330 --> 01:18:07,670
Tickle her clitoris with the very tip of
your tongue.

1036
01:18:10,090 --> 01:18:13,010
All the time, stroke and caress her body
with your hand.

1037
01:18:16,150 --> 01:18:20,910
Move your tongue down to the vagina,
first probing inside it, then beginning

1038
01:18:20,910 --> 01:18:21,910
in and out movement.

1039
01:18:23,710 --> 01:18:28,490
Lick around the lips, but remember, it's
the clitoris that's best stimulated to

1040
01:18:28,490 --> 01:18:30,750
bring her to orgasm, so don't neglect
it.

1041
01:18:32,910 --> 01:18:36,410
Stimulating the clitoris with your
tongue, keeping the rhythm steady but

1042
01:18:36,410 --> 01:18:38,570
building, is what women say works best.

1043
01:18:39,150 --> 01:18:40,490
I love it when she comes.

1044
01:18:41,070 --> 01:18:45,390
She wraps her legs around my head as
though she wants to bury me deep inside

1045
01:18:45,390 --> 01:18:46,490
her. It's great.

1046
01:18:50,550 --> 01:18:55,090
All sorts of variations are possible.
Using a firm lower lip to rub the pubis,

1047
01:18:55,230 --> 01:18:59,710
tugging at her vaginal lips with your
mouth, and gentle sucking of the

1048
01:18:59,710 --> 01:19:01,030
itself as it erects.

1049
01:19:03,370 --> 01:19:07,750
Though oral sex on a man is commonly
called a blowjob, the one thing you must

1050
01:19:07,750 --> 01:19:10,390
never do is blow down the penis or into
the vagina.

1051
01:19:10,830 --> 01:19:11,910
It can be dangerous.

1052
01:19:13,010 --> 01:19:17,090
If, like some women with semen, you
can't get used to the taste of vaginal

1053
01:19:17,090 --> 01:19:20,850
juices, try just licking the clitoris
alone and go no lower.

1054
01:19:27,470 --> 01:19:31,510
Again, remember, everyone is different
and enjoys different things.

1055
01:19:32,060 --> 01:19:33,760
Be guided by what you both want.

1056
01:19:36,880 --> 01:19:41,540
Many believe that the ultimate in oral
sex is the celebrated 69 position, where

1057
01:19:41,540 --> 01:19:43,540
they can both give and receive
simultaneously.

1058
01:19:46,420 --> 01:19:48,900
Its fame must mean that it works for
some.

1059
01:19:49,460 --> 01:19:53,560
However, such a double act requires a
degree of control you may not want when

1060
01:19:53,560 --> 01:19:54,560
reaching a climax.

1061
01:19:55,000 --> 01:19:59,320
Letting go during your own orgasm could
result in inadvertently biting your

1062
01:19:59,320 --> 01:20:00,320
partner.

1063
01:20:02,820 --> 01:20:07,020
Again, some men feel that they're the
wrong way round to effectively stimulate

1064
01:20:07,020 --> 01:20:10,200
the woman, but this can be overcome with
some inventiveness.

1065
01:20:13,380 --> 01:20:17,940
Getting into the 69 position as part of
romping around in bed is great fun and

1066
01:20:17,940 --> 01:20:22,000
very arousing, but as a position for
orgasm, it has its drawbacks.

1067
01:20:22,600 --> 01:20:24,900
Much better for that to take it in
turns.

1068
01:20:27,760 --> 01:20:32,360
A somewhat messy but fun and adventurous
activity is to spread a favourite gooey

1069
01:20:32,360 --> 01:20:38,220
food, such as yoghurt, honey or ice
cream, on your partner's skin, and then

1070
01:20:38,220 --> 01:20:41,080
slowly and tantalisingly to lick it off.

1071
01:20:42,560 --> 01:20:45,160
Ice has always been a favourite in such
games.

1072
01:20:45,920 --> 01:20:50,640
Be careful, though, to test it first,
because ice straight from the freezer

1073
01:20:50,640 --> 01:20:52,100
stick to the skin and burn.

1074
01:20:52,480 --> 01:20:55,600
Make sure it's nearly melting and very
wet.

1075
01:20:56,160 --> 01:21:00,940
When he runs ice cubes across my skin,
especially my nipples, it really turns

1076
01:21:00,940 --> 01:21:02,860
on and I just get shivers all over.

1077
01:21:03,060 --> 01:21:06,580
Some people delight in the sensation of
ice on their genitals too.

1078
01:21:06,920 --> 01:21:10,760
And a few women find a couple of cubes
inserted into their vagina before

1079
01:21:10,760 --> 01:21:12,460
intercourse a real turn -on.

1080
01:21:15,340 --> 01:21:19,640
Almost anything you have to hand can be
used to enhance your pleasure, but do be

1081
01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:21,760
careful when it comes to inserting
things into the vagina.

1082
01:21:26,090 --> 01:21:29,850
Men is the couple who get so carried
away with their erotic games that they

1083
01:21:29,850 --> 01:21:32,410
household objects that are not safe in
the vagina.

1084
01:21:35,730 --> 01:21:39,770
Always stick to toys that have been
especially made for the purpose.

1085
01:21:43,710 --> 01:21:47,830
To use your hands and mouth for the best
effect calls for close attention to

1086
01:21:47,830 --> 01:21:48,830
your partner's response.

1087
01:21:50,190 --> 01:21:54,410
It really attunes you to their likes,
sensations and arousal patterns.

1088
01:21:55,850 --> 01:22:00,510
As such, it deepens the relationship as
techniques develop over an extended time

1089
01:22:00,510 --> 01:22:01,510
together.

1090
01:22:14,610 --> 01:22:18,850
Though we've described many ways to
prolong non -intercourse lovemaking,

1091
01:22:19,250 --> 01:22:24,390
penetration is still seen by just about
everybody as the culmination of sexual

1092
01:22:24,390 --> 01:22:27,450
activity. What does sex really mean for
many people?

1093
01:22:28,670 --> 01:22:32,130
Without a regular partner, it may only
be an occasional activity.

1094
01:22:33,150 --> 01:22:37,050
With a regular partner, though, there's
no reason why you shouldn't make love as

1095
01:22:37,050 --> 01:22:38,050
often as you both want.

1096
01:22:38,610 --> 01:22:43,410
Quality, though, is more important than
quantity, at whatever age or stage you

1097
01:22:43,410 --> 01:22:44,410
are in your relationship.

1098
01:22:45,650 --> 01:22:50,290
It may be that a man thinks he has done
a good job with a few kisses on lips and

1099
01:22:50,290 --> 01:22:53,450
breasts, intercourse for a brief time,
and then sleep.

1100
01:22:54,250 --> 01:22:59,050
But if his partner is repeatedly left
unsatisfied, it cannot help the

1101
01:22:59,050 --> 01:23:00,050
relationship.

1102
01:23:05,390 --> 01:23:08,230
Sexual activity can sometimes last for
hours.

1103
01:23:10,810 --> 01:23:14,510
Everyone is capable of sustaining
interest for long periods if they spend

1104
01:23:14,510 --> 01:23:18,090
sufficient time on arousing love play
and discovering what they and their

1105
01:23:18,090 --> 01:23:19,090
partner really like.

1106
01:23:20,590 --> 01:23:24,170
Most of the blokes I've known seem to
think that sex is some sort of race that

1107
01:23:24,170 --> 01:23:25,970
they've got to get through as quickly as
possible.

1108
01:23:33,030 --> 01:23:35,850
Intercourse itself should take place
only after the woman is sufficiently

1109
01:23:35,850 --> 01:23:39,310
aroused for her vagina to be well
lubricated.

1110
01:23:39,950 --> 01:23:41,750
Otherwise, it could be painful for both.

1111
01:23:43,170 --> 01:23:45,910
You'll easily be able to tell when this
stage has been reached.

1112
01:23:46,510 --> 01:23:50,010
Most women say that they prefer a slow,
lingering rhythm.

1113
01:23:50,360 --> 01:23:52,140
as their pleasure mounts towards orgasm.

1114
01:24:03,040 --> 01:24:07,560
At this point either or both can vary
the action as they sense the changes in

1115
01:24:07,560 --> 01:24:08,560
her vagina.

1116
01:24:11,040 --> 01:24:15,940
As she becomes highly aroused, it
balloons, allowing the penis to move

1117
01:24:15,940 --> 01:24:17,360
various parts of her pelvis.

1118
01:24:18,060 --> 01:24:22,940
The entrance, though, still has strong
vaginal muscles and swollen pads which

1119
01:24:22,940 --> 01:24:25,800
can be used to squeeze the penis and
please the man.

1120
01:24:26,140 --> 01:24:28,340
So try clenching and relaxing them.

1121
01:24:28,840 --> 01:24:32,600
The man can also twitch his penis to
reciprocate these sensations.

1122
01:24:33,860 --> 01:24:38,960
Both can vary the depth of penetration,
but remember, a penis that's too long or

1123
01:24:38,960 --> 01:24:41,960
thrusting too deeply can simply be
painful for the woman.

1124
01:24:42,600 --> 01:24:47,480
I love really deep penetration, but it
can hurt sometimes, particularly at

1125
01:24:47,480 --> 01:24:51,560
certain times of the month or in certain
positions, and then I have to remind

1126
01:24:51,560 --> 01:24:53,100
him to take it a bit more gently.

1127
01:24:53,420 --> 01:24:57,020
You may want to change positions to
penetrate at different angles and

1128
01:24:57,020 --> 01:24:58,020
different sensations.

1129
01:24:58,660 --> 01:25:03,920
The man can use alternate shallow and
deep thrusts, even right to the entrance

1130
01:25:03,920 --> 01:25:07,120
of the vagina, to tease the lips with
the head of the penis.

1131
01:25:11,560 --> 01:25:15,300
One of the best ways of stimulating the
clitoris during intercourse is this

1132
01:25:15,300 --> 01:25:20,260
position, where the man rides high with
his pelvis arching over the woman's and

1133
01:25:20,260 --> 01:25:22,840
the shaft of the penis rubbing on her
pubic bone.

1134
01:25:24,220 --> 01:25:29,060
His full weight pushes forward and the
movement is almost entirely between the

1135
01:25:29,060 --> 01:25:30,160
pelvic areas of both.

1136
01:25:30,600 --> 01:25:35,940
The secret now is to establish a steady
rhythm, whereby the shaft of the penis

1137
01:25:35,940 --> 01:25:40,500
maintains continuous contact with the
clitoris as it rocks in and out.

1138
01:25:41,379 --> 01:25:45,420
Maintaining this steady rhythm without
grasping for orgasms can produce

1139
01:25:45,420 --> 01:25:47,060
exquisite climaxes for both.

1140
01:25:47,580 --> 01:25:52,240
Indeed, many couples claim that orgasms
using this technique are superior to

1141
01:25:52,240 --> 01:25:53,840
those obtained in any other way.

1142
01:25:55,620 --> 01:25:58,160
Simultaneous orgasms, too, are much more
common.

1143
01:25:59,220 --> 01:26:03,240
If for any reason the man is taking too
long to come, the woman can reach down

1144
01:26:03,240 --> 01:26:07,540
and hold back the skin of the penis
tightly, keeping it stretched as it

1145
01:26:07,540 --> 01:26:08,540
and out.

1146
01:26:11,020 --> 01:26:16,200
This often increases male sensation, and
with her hand position right, she can

1147
01:26:16,200 --> 01:26:17,860
help with her own clitoral stimulation.

1148
01:26:21,620 --> 01:26:26,400
As orgasm approaches, most women like a
definite and predictable rhythm.

1149
01:26:28,360 --> 01:26:32,040
Well, nothing's more annoying than just
getting close to coming and he changes

1150
01:26:32,040 --> 01:26:33,039
what he's doing.

1151
01:26:33,040 --> 01:26:34,940
It completely blows it for me.

1152
01:26:39,150 --> 01:26:41,730
The thing is that I've got lays with all
the women I had before.

1153
01:26:42,230 --> 01:26:44,310
They came in the end and I thought they
were OK.

1154
01:26:45,350 --> 01:26:46,730
Bit insensitive, I guess.

1155
01:26:54,430 --> 01:26:58,830
An exception to the slow, lingering sort
of foreplay we've described is the

1156
01:26:58,830 --> 01:27:00,310
passionate, spontaneous quickie.

1157
01:27:01,330 --> 01:27:05,250
It's one of those lightning activities
where you both just know you want it,

1158
01:27:05,310 --> 01:27:09,560
can't wait and can't resist giving in to
the overwhelming... instant need for

1159
01:27:09,560 --> 01:27:10,560
one another.

1160
01:27:11,640 --> 01:27:17,680
Short, sharp and shattering, quickies
can be amongst the greatest moments of

1161
01:27:17,680 --> 01:27:18,680
lovemaking.

1162
01:27:38,540 --> 01:27:42,940
In most relationships, couples try out
several lovemaking positions and then

1163
01:27:42,940 --> 01:27:47,100
settle on their favourite three or four,
which they then use according to how

1164
01:27:47,100 --> 01:27:48,300
they feel at the time.

1165
01:27:49,360 --> 01:27:53,000
Of course, there's nothing wrong with
this, but it makes sense to explore all

1166
01:27:53,000 --> 01:27:57,260
the positions you can, so that you have
a whole repertoire to call on as the

1167
01:27:57,260 --> 01:27:59,480
mood changes in any lovemaking session.

1168
01:28:03,500 --> 01:28:08,060
I guess we do tend to stick to the same
few positions, but every now and again

1169
01:28:08,060 --> 01:28:10,460
we do go for something really way out,
and it's great.

1170
01:28:16,640 --> 01:28:18,180
Let's start with the man on top.

1171
01:28:19,420 --> 01:28:23,140
In the missionary position, he lies
between his partner's open legs.

1172
01:28:26,000 --> 01:28:30,020
A good variation of this is with her
legs kept straight out on the bed.

1173
01:28:32,009 --> 01:28:35,650
Penetration is not especially deep, but
it feels very different for both.

1174
01:28:38,570 --> 01:28:43,350
If he then places his legs outside the
woman's, he can use his thighs to

1175
01:28:43,350 --> 01:28:46,030
hers together and increase the grip on
his penis.

1176
01:28:47,170 --> 01:28:51,170
The woman can also contract her pelvic
muscles to add to these sensations.

1177
01:28:53,570 --> 01:28:57,910
If you put a pillow under the woman's
bottom, the angle of the vagina is

1178
01:28:57,910 --> 01:29:00,490
to that of the penis and penetration
deeper.

1179
01:29:03,340 --> 01:29:08,880
In the basic woman on top position, she
sits on his penis, guiding it in with

1180
01:29:08,880 --> 01:29:09,579
her hand.

1181
01:29:09,580 --> 01:29:14,320
This is a good position for the woman to
stimulate her clitoris, and to use the

1182
01:29:14,320 --> 01:29:18,800
squeeze technique to help her man with
premature ejaculation, without

1183
01:29:18,800 --> 01:29:20,560
interrupting the proceedings too much.

1184
01:29:24,260 --> 01:29:27,040
She can also try sitting facing away
from her man.

1185
01:29:36,880 --> 01:29:41,680
This is a good position for her to
stimulate herself easily and for him, if

1186
01:29:41,680 --> 01:29:45,160
likes, to watch her bottom as she rises
and falls on his penis.

1187
01:29:57,980 --> 01:30:03,680
Turning around whilst keeping the penis
inside the vagina produces very

1188
01:30:03,680 --> 01:30:04,880
interesting sensations.

1189
01:30:05,600 --> 01:30:07,980
that are difficult to attain in any
other way.

1190
01:30:12,100 --> 01:30:16,240
Squatting over the man's penis with the
soles of the feet flat calls for a

1191
01:30:16,240 --> 01:30:21,180
certain amount of physical agility and
usually works best on a firm surface

1192
01:30:21,180 --> 01:30:22,180
as a floor.

1193
01:30:24,060 --> 01:30:27,100
But it's good because penetration is
very deep.

1194
01:30:29,130 --> 01:30:33,350
This can then be varied so that she can
play with the penis to make it come into

1195
01:30:33,350 --> 01:30:35,490
contact with anywhere she likes within
her pelvis.

1196
01:30:39,270 --> 01:30:44,210
The basic rear entry position has the
woman kneeling facing away from her man.

1197
01:30:46,570 --> 01:30:51,210
In this variation, though she can't move
much, with her legs as wide apart as

1198
01:30:51,210 --> 01:30:54,930
possible, it is very restful for her and
the sensations can be unusual.

1199
01:30:56,930 --> 01:30:58,530
Penetration is exceptionally deep.

1200
01:31:01,390 --> 01:31:04,510
With the woman still in this position,
the man can slide forward.

1201
01:31:04,990 --> 01:31:08,170
For best results, the woman needs to be
highly aroused first.

1202
01:31:18,070 --> 01:31:22,030
A chair provides many enjoyable
possibilities for the creative couple.

1203
01:31:23,090 --> 01:31:27,950
In a position such as this, the woman
controls things by her movement with or

1204
01:31:27,950 --> 01:31:28,950
without his help.

1205
01:31:38,990 --> 01:31:42,590
Facing away from him allows either to
caress her clitoris.

1206
01:31:51,810 --> 01:31:54,590
Now for some positions for the more
athletic and adventurous.

1207
01:31:56,010 --> 01:31:59,950
This one allows the woman to caress her
partner's bottom or even to stimulate

1208
01:31:59,950 --> 01:32:00,950
his anal area.

1209
01:32:02,190 --> 01:32:06,870
He can move well and his penis pushes
deeply into the back of the vagina in an

1210
01:32:06,870 --> 01:32:07,870
almost unique way.

1211
01:32:13,800 --> 01:32:16,320
This position is actually much more
comfortable than it looks.

1212
01:32:16,960 --> 01:32:20,600
Because movement is very limited, this
is a good position for the man who tends

1213
01:32:20,600 --> 01:32:21,680
to come too quickly.

1214
01:32:22,480 --> 01:32:26,780
It's easy for the woman to sit forwards
onto his penis so that she ends up

1215
01:32:26,780 --> 01:32:27,780
squatting over him.

1216
01:32:29,940 --> 01:32:34,560
More adventurous is this one, which
brings the penis into contact with the

1217
01:32:34,560 --> 01:32:37,200
wall of the vagina in a way that no
other can.

1218
01:32:39,000 --> 01:32:41,020
Either one can guide the penis into her.

1219
01:32:41,870 --> 01:32:46,030
The man can't move much in this
position, but an agile woman can make

1220
01:32:46,030 --> 01:32:47,030
of it.

1221
01:32:47,050 --> 01:32:51,170
She's also free to reach between her own
legs and bring herself to orgasm.

1222
01:32:53,250 --> 01:32:55,390
This is a very restful position for
both.

1223
01:32:55,990 --> 01:33:00,850
Either can reach her clitoris, either
can caress her breasts, she can stroke

1224
01:33:00,850 --> 01:33:05,210
him, and it is one of the best positions
for couples where the woman is learning

1225
01:33:05,210 --> 01:33:06,990
to have orgasms during intercourse.

1226
01:33:13,219 --> 01:33:16,660
Finally, this position allows
exceptionally deep penetration.

1227
01:33:17,440 --> 01:33:22,160
The man can also massage her feet, which
in itself is highly erotic for her.

1228
01:33:22,800 --> 01:33:26,840
Do discuss which positions produce the
best sensations for either or both of

1229
01:33:26,840 --> 01:33:30,680
you, and try creating your own
variations to increase your pleasure.

1230
01:33:31,060 --> 01:33:36,360
As with so many areas of our sexual and
romantic lives, it all comes down to a

1231
01:33:36,360 --> 01:33:39,940
willingness to experiment and to share
what you best enjoy.

1232
01:33:48,620 --> 01:33:52,800
Although most couples make love in bed,
every home provides a host of

1233
01:33:52,800 --> 01:33:55,020
interesting locations to add fun and
variety.

1234
01:33:56,880 --> 01:34:01,000
Again, even if you have children or
other commitments, do try to make some

1235
01:34:01,000 --> 01:34:02,080
special time for yourselves.

1236
01:34:03,600 --> 01:34:07,620
The lounge is the most popular place
after the bedroom, though make sure

1237
01:34:07,620 --> 01:34:08,620
got good curtains.

1238
01:34:09,100 --> 01:34:12,500
With the kids around all the time, the
only place at home we can make love is

1239
01:34:12,500 --> 01:34:13,500
our bedroom.

1240
01:34:13,930 --> 01:34:16,830
If we really want to ring the changes,
we can go off together and make love in

1241
01:34:16,830 --> 01:34:18,790
the car or somewhere nice out of doors.

1242
01:34:19,570 --> 01:34:22,190
Many people have fantasies of making
love in the kitchen.

1243
01:34:22,510 --> 01:34:26,390
The washing up may get left to the
morning, but you'll probably agree

1244
01:34:26,390 --> 01:34:28,450
passion comes before clean dishes.

1245
01:34:29,750 --> 01:34:33,250
The bathroom is a fairly obvious place
in which to be romantic and loving.

1246
01:34:34,350 --> 01:34:37,650
Massaging one another with soap gets
things off to a good start.

1247
01:34:38,770 --> 01:34:41,190
This is a good position for lovemaking
in the bath.

1248
01:34:42,410 --> 01:34:44,810
She can support herself against his
raised knees.

1249
01:34:45,050 --> 01:34:48,330
Then, if she likes, place her ankles
over his shoulders.

1250
01:34:49,450 --> 01:34:53,710
The feeling of weightlessness provided
by the water, and the warmth and

1251
01:34:53,710 --> 01:34:57,510
closeness, makes the bath an
exceptionally erotic place in which to

1252
01:35:12,110 --> 01:35:14,330
Sex out of doors has its own special
appeal.

1253
01:35:14,990 --> 01:35:17,850
It may also rekindle memories of
courtship.

1254
01:35:19,850 --> 01:35:22,370
What turns me on is the danger of being
discovered.

1255
01:35:22,710 --> 01:35:24,970
It beats bedroom sex hands down.

1256
01:35:25,750 --> 01:35:29,390
What I like about it is behaving like we
used to when we were courting and we

1257
01:35:29,390 --> 01:35:30,570
didn't have anywhere to go.

1258
01:35:31,810 --> 01:35:35,150
It's like turning the clock back and it
makes me feel just as horny as I did

1259
01:35:35,150 --> 01:35:36,150
then.

1260
01:35:38,970 --> 01:35:41,030
Making love in a car takes some beating.

1261
01:35:41,600 --> 01:35:45,720
The very difficulty of having sex in a
cramped space adding to the excitement.

1262
01:35:46,380 --> 01:35:50,560
As with sex in any public place, be
careful not to offend others.

1263
01:35:51,840 --> 01:35:55,100
There are few people who have never had
a fantasy about making love in a

1264
01:35:55,100 --> 01:35:56,460
romantic setting such as this.

1265
01:35:57,460 --> 01:36:02,200
Seaside sex comes high on any list of
romantic settings, though the realities

1266
01:36:02,200 --> 01:36:05,320
mixing sand and sex are sometimes rather
more sobering.

1267
01:36:06,160 --> 01:36:09,960
I hate you getting the sand everywhere,
and I mean everywhere.

1268
01:36:10,910 --> 01:36:13,850
But bonking in the sea, well, it just
had to be worth it.

1269
01:36:20,710 --> 01:36:25,090
For those whose sexual and romantic life
is beginning to bore them, making love

1270
01:36:25,090 --> 01:36:29,470
in places other than the bedroom can
bring back that touch of excitement that

1271
01:36:29,470 --> 01:36:33,250
many couples tell me they need if sex is
to become highly arousing again.

1272
01:36:33,830 --> 01:36:39,130
And remember, making love doesn't by any
means necessarily have to involve

1273
01:36:39,130 --> 01:36:40,130
intercourse.

1274
01:36:58,960 --> 01:37:03,100
Many couples enjoy adding to their
excitement in love play and arousal by

1275
01:37:03,100 --> 01:37:04,700
playing games of various kinds.

1276
01:37:06,080 --> 01:37:10,520
It could be said that all love play
between two people is a sort of game,

1277
01:37:10,520 --> 01:37:13,020
which both know the rules and agree to
abide by them.

1278
01:37:17,120 --> 01:37:19,620
Dressing up games must be one of the
most popular.

1279
01:37:20,380 --> 01:37:24,760
When you think about it, in everyday
life we all play dressing up games, for

1280
01:37:24,760 --> 01:37:26,540
work, for parties and so on.

1281
01:37:28,240 --> 01:37:31,860
In a sexual relationship, these dressing
-up games can take many forms.

1282
01:37:32,280 --> 01:37:34,860
You can go for whole theatrical costumes
if you like.

1283
01:37:35,260 --> 01:37:39,420
Doctors and nurses, vicars and nuns,
butlers and French maids, whatever works

1284
01:37:39,420 --> 01:37:40,179
for you.

1285
01:37:40,180 --> 01:37:44,720
Many couples have hours of fun either
accidentally or deliberately exposing

1286
01:37:44,720 --> 01:37:47,220
themselves or parts of themselves to
their lover.

1287
01:37:48,000 --> 01:37:51,260
Part of the fun of dressing up is, of
course, the subsequent undressing.

1288
01:37:51,960 --> 01:37:55,580
A more formal striptease can be great if
you are both in the mood.

1289
01:37:56,140 --> 01:37:57,840
It's a good opportunity to show off.

1290
01:38:00,980 --> 01:38:05,600
Sexy underwear can be a real favourite
for both partners as part of mutual fun.

1291
01:38:11,480 --> 01:38:15,220
My boyfriend's really into sex games,
but I must admit I always thought it was

1292
01:38:15,220 --> 01:38:16,059
bit tacky.

1293
01:38:16,060 --> 01:38:20,020
But once or twice I agreed to go along
with him and I must say it really is a

1294
01:38:20,020 --> 01:38:21,020
turn -on.

1295
01:38:31,519 --> 01:38:35,520
Seduction games always come near the top
of the list for really good arousal.

1296
01:38:36,120 --> 01:38:39,460
The idea is to drive your partner wild
with anticipation.

1297
01:38:40,660 --> 01:38:45,380
Games in which one makes the other do
whatever is commanded can be a real turn

1298
01:38:45,380 --> 01:38:46,379
-on.

1299
01:38:46,380 --> 01:38:50,920
When he has done exactly what he's told,
she rewards him with sex, having made

1300
01:38:50,920 --> 01:38:51,920
him wait for it.

1301
01:38:52,160 --> 01:38:56,860
Do ensure in any tying -up games that
nothing is put around the neck, nothing

1302
01:38:56,860 --> 01:38:57,860
restricts breathing.

1303
01:38:58,490 --> 01:39:01,670
and that you are very clear about
signals when to stop.

1304
01:39:02,290 --> 01:39:04,490
I never thought I'd enjoy being tied up.

1305
01:39:05,090 --> 01:39:07,990
We were mucking about one day and she
tied my wrists and ankles.

1306
01:39:08,910 --> 01:39:11,650
I don't know, but it was great being
powerless for a change.

1307
01:39:11,930 --> 01:39:13,990
And it's become a real special for us.

1308
01:39:25,320 --> 01:39:29,000
It used to be said that such games were
more of a turn -on for men, but this

1309
01:39:29,000 --> 01:39:30,000
isn't the case.

1310
01:39:30,580 --> 01:39:34,100
Many women are very aroused even by the
thought of having this kind of fun with

1311
01:39:34,100 --> 01:39:34,978
their man.

1312
01:39:34,980 --> 01:39:39,860
And many men say that seeing their
partner this uninhibited really excites

1313
01:39:40,800 --> 01:39:42,780
Women also like to see their men dress
up.

1314
01:39:45,600 --> 01:39:49,300
If a sexy game doesn't increase
pleasure, then it's not worth playing.

1315
01:39:50,120 --> 01:39:51,640
If one of you is shy...

1316
01:39:52,030 --> 01:39:56,050
It could take some time to get used to
the high levels of arousal these games

1317
01:39:56,050 --> 01:40:00,470
can produce, so much so that the very
excitement sometimes puts people off.

1318
01:40:01,750 --> 01:40:06,470
Start gently with whatever game you
decide to try, and build up to become

1319
01:40:06,470 --> 01:40:08,910
adventurous as you both discover what
you like.

1320
01:40:10,930 --> 01:40:15,950
At first, we just started talking about
sexy games, you know, sort of sharing

1321
01:40:15,950 --> 01:40:16,950
fantasies.

1322
01:40:17,350 --> 01:40:20,390
Then we thought maybe trying out the
real thing would be even more fun.

1323
01:40:21,740 --> 01:40:26,340
Be guided by your feeling, and those of
your lover, and you won't go far wrong.

1324
01:40:27,700 --> 01:40:32,160
Such games are harmless fun, and as long
as they don't become an obsession, will

1325
01:40:32,160 --> 01:40:34,600
simply enhance your sexual pleasure and
enjoyment.

1326
01:40:43,740 --> 01:40:49,060
I have always suggested that sex is
safest and most fulfilling within a

1327
01:40:49,060 --> 01:40:50,200
one -to -one relationship.

1328
01:40:51,310 --> 01:40:55,790
But every relationship has to start
somewhere, and for many people, long

1329
01:40:55,790 --> 01:40:59,030
partnerships are something they cannot
or do not wish to experience.

1330
01:40:59,730 --> 01:41:04,350
Whilst I don't want to condone casual
sex, and there's undoubtedly a move away

1331
01:41:04,350 --> 01:41:09,470
from promiscuity in an age of AIDS, to
be realistic, we have to accept that

1332
01:41:09,470 --> 01:41:12,350
people today have several partners in a
sexual lifetime.

1333
01:41:12,710 --> 01:41:16,370
How, then, should or could these events
best be managed?

1334
01:41:17,320 --> 01:41:21,280
The first sexual encounter with a new
partner may be on the first date or

1335
01:41:21,280 --> 01:41:22,580
quite a time of courtship.

1336
01:41:22,960 --> 01:41:27,100
It may be the start of only a temporary
relationship and is obviously different

1337
01:41:27,100 --> 01:41:29,200
to the involvement of regular, committed
lovers.

1338
01:41:31,840 --> 01:41:36,120
Whether you meet someone you really like
and just want to have sex, or if you

1339
01:41:36,120 --> 01:41:39,940
think there's a future for you both as a
couple, you might find some of the

1340
01:41:39,940 --> 01:41:41,020
following ideas helpful.

1341
01:41:42,160 --> 01:41:43,520
Think about how you dress.

1342
01:41:44,250 --> 01:41:47,630
You may not want to give the impression
that you are too readily available.

1343
01:41:49,250 --> 01:41:53,150
Overtly sexual dressing and body
language may make it difficult to slow

1344
01:41:53,150 --> 01:41:55,730
down if you find that they are going too
fast for you.

1345
01:41:56,450 --> 01:42:00,850
If your vibes tell you that the other
person is promiscuous, then you might

1346
01:42:00,850 --> 01:42:04,270
to be very cautious indeed about taking
things further at all.

1347
01:42:06,550 --> 01:42:10,810
Though alcohol can reduce inhibitions,
it can also result in giving the wrong

1348
01:42:10,810 --> 01:42:15,160
messages. So be sensible about drinking
on those first few dates.

1349
01:42:16,580 --> 01:42:19,500
Many of us are nervous early on in a new
relationship.

1350
01:42:20,600 --> 01:42:24,900
This is especially true, I find, in
those looking for a new partner in

1351
01:42:24,900 --> 01:42:28,420
age, after having been out of the mating
game for all the years they were

1352
01:42:28,420 --> 01:42:29,420
married.

1353
01:42:41,840 --> 01:42:46,400
When it comes to sex, if that's what you
both want, don't expect too much at

1354
01:42:46,400 --> 01:42:47,400
first.

1355
01:42:47,900 --> 01:42:51,820
There will undoubtedly be moments of
awkwardness and embarrassment until you

1356
01:42:51,820 --> 01:42:52,820
to know one another.

1357
01:43:18,960 --> 01:43:22,900
It can happen that either of you may
have sexual problems, even if you never

1358
01:43:22,900 --> 01:43:23,900
usually do.

1359
01:43:24,300 --> 01:43:28,360
Clinical experience shows that many
people who normally function perfectly

1360
01:43:28,360 --> 01:43:33,540
often have problems of arousal or
performance generally in one -night

1361
01:43:33,540 --> 01:43:34,660
short -term relationships.

1362
01:43:36,040 --> 01:43:40,440
Those who are looking only for a one
-night stand or a very temporary affair

1363
01:43:40,440 --> 01:43:43,620
usually just want sex, not a meaningful
relationship.

1364
01:43:44,440 --> 01:43:49,090
If this is honestly negotiated between
two adults, then... Who is to say it's

1365
01:43:49,090 --> 01:43:50,090
wrong?

1366
01:43:50,630 --> 01:43:54,090
Problems occur, however, when one or
other has a different view.

1367
01:43:54,770 --> 01:43:58,390
For example, one of you could be hoping
that things might develop further,

1368
01:43:58,610 --> 01:44:02,430
whilst the other may only be out for
simple sex and might even have a regular

1369
01:44:02,430 --> 01:44:03,430
partner.

1370
01:44:04,110 --> 01:44:06,910
Be careful with anyone who wants you to
do anything unusual.

1371
01:44:07,790 --> 01:44:11,850
Play it safe, if in any doubt, until you
know and trust them better.

1372
01:44:12,930 --> 01:44:16,250
The thing here is to try and be as
watchful as possible.

1373
01:44:16,750 --> 01:44:19,290
so that you honour yourself and don't
get used.

1374
01:44:19,690 --> 01:44:21,950
This applies equally to both sexes.

1375
01:44:23,630 --> 01:44:28,330
Obviously, in an age of AIDS and the
need for safe sex, the man must wear a

1376
01:44:28,330 --> 01:44:32,170
condom, so as to reduce the chances of
giving or receiving a sexually

1377
01:44:32,170 --> 01:44:33,170
transmitted disease.

1378
01:44:34,190 --> 01:44:39,470
Remember, you can't be too careful with
an unknown sex partner, and until they

1379
01:44:39,470 --> 01:44:43,570
know a great deal more about their
sexual history, both partners should

1380
01:44:43,570 --> 01:44:44,570
safe.

1381
01:44:44,750 --> 01:44:49,990
Condoms help protect against sexually
transmitted diseases, including AIDS, so

1382
01:44:49,990 --> 01:44:54,130
be sure to wear one with any partner
whose sexual history you're unsure of.

1383
01:44:55,150 --> 01:44:56,490
Always use a new one.

1384
01:44:57,370 --> 01:44:58,790
Ensure it's undamaged.

1385
01:44:59,530 --> 01:45:04,870
Put it on only when the penis is erect,
and be sure that it's securely on before

1386
01:45:04,870 --> 01:45:06,970
any contact occurs between your
genitals.

1387
01:45:09,290 --> 01:45:13,690
As you withdraw the penis, anchor the
base of the condom so that it doesn't

1388
01:45:13,690 --> 01:45:14,690
off.

1389
01:45:15,360 --> 01:45:21,160
Oral contact with one another's genitals
can be risky as the HIV virus and other

1390
01:45:21,160 --> 01:45:25,860
infections can be spread in body fluids,
especially if you have ulcers or sores

1391
01:45:25,860 --> 01:45:30,180
in your mouth or have recently brushed
your teeth, producing tiny abrasions on

1392
01:45:30,180 --> 01:45:34,840
your gums. If you're worried, always use
a condom on the man's penis and play

1393
01:45:34,840 --> 01:45:37,940
safe by avoiding direct oral contact
with a woman's vulva.

1394
01:45:39,020 --> 01:45:43,020
In general, remember that the more
partners you have, the greater your

1395
01:45:43,020 --> 01:45:45,260
of becoming infected with the HIV virus.

1396
01:45:46,160 --> 01:45:49,280
Also, the fewer partners your lover has,
the better.

1397
01:45:51,740 --> 01:45:56,580
AIDS and HIV infection are now becoming
a real threat to the heterosexual

1398
01:45:56,580 --> 01:46:01,160
community. It's very unwise to think of
them as conditions that affect only gays

1399
01:46:01,160 --> 01:46:02,640
and IV drug users.

1400
01:46:03,020 --> 01:46:07,660
What's most alarming, though, is that
women seem to be faring worse in all

1401
01:46:07,660 --> 01:46:08,660
than are men.

1402
01:46:09,070 --> 01:46:12,670
Research has found, for example, that
women are more likely to contract an

1403
01:46:12,670 --> 01:46:18,070
infection with the HIV virus than are
men, and that once infected, the disease

1404
01:46:18,070 --> 01:46:20,910
affects them more severely than is the
case for men.

1405
01:46:25,610 --> 01:46:28,710
One answer to this might be the female
condom.

1406
01:46:29,290 --> 01:46:33,830
This recent invention is worn internally
by the woman and gives a very high

1407
01:46:33,830 --> 01:46:38,450
level of protection against all sexually
transmitted diseases, including HIV and

1408
01:46:38,450 --> 01:46:39,450
AIDS.

1409
01:46:41,190 --> 01:46:46,030
It is, of course, also a highly
effective barrier to sperms, like the

1410
01:46:46,030 --> 01:46:49,950
sheath. And this can be an important
concern in relationships in which the

1411
01:46:49,950 --> 01:46:54,170
matter of contraception hasn't been
adequately negotiated and agreed by the

1412
01:46:54,170 --> 01:46:55,170
individuals involved.

1413
01:47:10,830 --> 01:47:15,250
Ideally, the whole issue of
contraception should be discussed before

1414
01:47:15,250 --> 01:47:16,250
making love.

1415
01:47:17,190 --> 01:47:21,570
Some men are sensible enough to take
precautions and so use a condom anyway.

1416
01:47:23,470 --> 01:47:28,870
Because of AIDS, even those men who
greatly dislike sex with a sheath and

1417
01:47:28,870 --> 01:47:33,450
the woman on the pill should still wear
one, or she should refuse to have sex

1418
01:47:33,450 --> 01:47:34,450
with him.

1419
01:47:36,720 --> 01:47:41,320
Many women tell me that they, too, are
often nervous about first -time sex with

1420
01:47:41,320 --> 01:47:45,540
a new partner and certainly don't relax
enough to have an orgasm as they usually

1421
01:47:45,540 --> 01:47:50,160
would. All this changes with time and
care, if the relationship lasts long

1422
01:47:50,160 --> 01:47:51,160
enough.

1423
01:47:51,740 --> 01:47:55,940
If you have a regular partner, one of
the side effects of one -night stands or

1424
01:47:55,940 --> 01:47:58,120
short -term love affairs is the guilt.

1425
01:47:58,820 --> 01:48:04,000
Some apparently sexually together people
feel very guilty and worry that they

1426
01:48:04,000 --> 01:48:05,140
may have caught a disease.

1427
01:48:28,300 --> 01:48:32,420
With anyone who seems at all likely to
become an ongoing lover, it makes sense

1428
01:48:32,420 --> 01:48:33,920
to go gently towards intercourse.

1429
01:48:35,380 --> 01:48:39,880
By dashing headlong into sex, we miss
out on so much that works to our

1430
01:48:39,880 --> 01:48:40,880
advantage.

1431
01:48:41,660 --> 01:48:47,120
Some people, even today, still fall in
love too easily, often as an unconscious

1432
01:48:47,120 --> 01:48:51,100
way of giving themselves permission to
have intercourse when they otherwise

1433
01:48:51,100 --> 01:48:52,100
would not.

1434
01:48:52,490 --> 01:48:56,530
But having said all this, I don't want
to give the impression that all sex

1435
01:48:56,530 --> 01:49:01,670
outside long -term loving relationships
is fraught with disease, difficulties

1436
01:49:01,670 --> 01:49:04,930
and disasters, because of course this
isn't so.

1437
01:49:06,470 --> 01:49:11,490
It does make sense, though, to take care
of yourself both health -wise and

1438
01:49:11,490 --> 01:49:16,150
emotionally. If you can honour yourself
and your partner in this way, you'll

1439
01:49:16,150 --> 01:49:21,110
find not only pleasure and fun, but also
dignity in even the shortest of sexual

1440
01:49:21,110 --> 01:49:22,110
relationships.

1441
01:49:29,770 --> 01:49:33,270
Probably one of the commonest complaints
people have about their sex lives is

1442
01:49:33,270 --> 01:49:38,670
boredom. And the main symptom is that
sex has lost its fizz. They no longer

1443
01:49:38,670 --> 01:49:41,070
the same way about one another that they
did years ago.

1444
01:49:43,230 --> 01:49:46,070
But sorting out sexual boredom isn't
always easy.

1445
01:49:46,510 --> 01:49:50,450
Because, contrary to what most people
think, it doesn't have that much to do

1446
01:49:50,450 --> 01:49:51,950
with what a couple do in bed.

1447
01:49:58,990 --> 01:50:02,750
Our culture tells us that once we settle
down with someone, we should

1448
01:50:02,750 --> 01:50:06,150
automatically know how to keep things
going and growing.

1449
01:50:06,690 --> 01:50:07,870
But this isn't so.

1450
01:50:08,510 --> 01:50:13,110
Most of us find it quite difficult
keeping sex and romance alive,

1451
01:50:13,110 --> 01:50:14,110
over many years.

1452
01:50:18,070 --> 01:50:23,370
As we've seen, putting effort into
communicating and making time not just

1453
01:50:23,370 --> 01:50:27,330
sex, but for trying out new things,
perhaps with regular special occasions,

1454
01:50:27,870 --> 01:50:29,130
really does pay off.

1455
01:50:31,570 --> 01:50:36,170
Behind all of this is the ongoing job of
taking care of the relationship.

1456
01:50:38,030 --> 01:50:43,150
Both sexes are turned off by partners
who are nasty, thoughtless, uncaring, or

1457
01:50:43,150 --> 01:50:44,150
whatever.

1458
01:50:44,670 --> 01:50:48,950
If you don't go on showing you love each
other as people, you certainly won't

1459
01:50:48,950 --> 01:50:50,050
stay turned on sexually.

1460
01:50:51,250 --> 01:50:56,490
So take care of the emotional side, and
the sexual side will usually look after

1461
01:50:56,490 --> 01:50:57,490
itself.

1462
01:51:02,800 --> 01:51:07,460
What's needed if things begin to go
stale is to stop taking our relationship

1463
01:51:07,460 --> 01:51:11,700
granted and to start making an
investment in it, as we would with

1464
01:51:11,700 --> 01:51:12,980
in life that mattered to us.

1465
01:51:13,580 --> 01:51:17,680
On balance, if you invest little, you
get little back.

1466
01:51:18,280 --> 01:51:19,740
And the reverse is true.

1467
01:51:21,640 --> 01:51:25,960
But it's not just how much time we spend
together that matters, it's the quality

1468
01:51:25,960 --> 01:51:26,960
of that time.

1469
01:51:27,240 --> 01:51:32,020
An hour really listening to one
another's needs is worth a whole weekend

1470
01:51:32,020 --> 01:51:36,960
ourselves around one another, being
together physically or even sexually.

1471
01:51:39,700 --> 01:51:43,820
Whilst it may be true that a good sex
life alone will not save a relationship,

1472
01:51:44,060 --> 01:51:49,380
and that a good relationship can
overcome a less than perfect sex life,

1473
01:51:49,380 --> 01:51:52,840
worth asking yourself whether you are a
sexual bore in bed.

1474
01:51:53,740 --> 01:51:57,860
Do you do the same old things the same
ways that you did them five, ten, or

1475
01:51:57,860 --> 01:51:58,860
twenty years ago?

1476
01:51:59,440 --> 01:52:02,360
When did you last explore something new
sexually?

1477
01:52:03,220 --> 01:52:07,520
Have you ever thought that you may have
stayed stuck where you were?

1478
01:52:10,020 --> 01:52:14,980
The end of the first flush of sexual
desire should, ideally, be the start of

1479
01:52:14,980 --> 01:52:18,020
sex life which deepens and broadens into
a committed relationship.

1480
01:52:19,720 --> 01:52:24,860
It makes sense to aim for and work
towards a blend of love, concern,

1481
01:52:25,080 --> 01:52:29,980
companionship, friendship and being
wanted and needed that complements your

1482
01:52:29,980 --> 01:52:31,620
lives together as sexual partners.

1483
01:52:33,120 --> 01:52:38,160
Really listening to one another
empathically, taking the trouble to

1484
01:52:38,160 --> 01:52:42,800
and attention in your love life and
making a determined effort to combat

1485
01:52:42,800 --> 01:52:47,440
will enrich and enhance your loving life
together and increase your value to one

1486
01:52:47,440 --> 01:52:49,180
another. As the years go by.

1487
01:53:02,000 --> 01:53:02,960
When

1488
01:53:02,960 --> 01:53:09,780
I'm

1489
01:53:09,780 --> 01:53:15,240
holding you I feel so complete.

1490
01:53:18,250 --> 01:53:24,990
This understanding of our emotions, this
understanding

1491
01:53:24,990 --> 01:53:31,650
of me, it's so special, it's so true.

1492
01:54:07,470 --> 01:54:09,630
I don't want to lose, yeah.

1493
01:54:10,130 --> 01:54:11,890
Is it love?

1494
01:54:12,390 --> 01:54:14,310
Is it real?

1495
01:54:15,190 --> 01:54:18,470
When we're touching the...

1496
01:55:01,930 --> 01:55:02,930
cool baby

1497
01:58:01,610 --> 01:58:06,470
We selected six different couples to
show all sorts of ages and stages of

1498
01:58:06,470 --> 01:58:07,570
development and experience.

1499
01:58:08,750 --> 01:58:11,110
Our student couple have a lot to learn.

1500
01:58:12,550 --> 01:58:14,490
These two are newlyweds.

1501
01:58:15,150 --> 01:58:18,210
This couple are in the full flood of
sexual involvement.

1502
01:58:19,710 --> 01:58:24,510
But their friends, married for 15 years,
have let their sex life go stale.

1503
01:58:26,230 --> 01:58:30,650
Our cosmopolitan couple have learned
almost every possible sexual technique.

1504
01:58:32,590 --> 01:58:36,950
while our older couple have had their
ups and downs but have seen their

1505
01:58:36,950 --> 01:58:39,410
relationship mature and deepen over 20
years together.

1506
01:58:55,650 --> 01:59:00,950
Orgasms are at the heart of most sexual
activity, yet the uniquely pleasurable

1507
01:59:00,950 --> 01:59:04,060
sensations they produce, and never
experienced by some women.

1508
01:59:04,760 --> 01:59:09,440
The barriers, both conscious and
unconscious, that prevent orgasms

1509
01:59:09,440 --> 01:59:12,540
women from getting the best out of them,
are many and complex.

1510
01:59:13,480 --> 01:59:17,740
Having said this, though, almost every
woman is capable of experiencing the

1511
01:59:17,740 --> 01:59:19,740
bodily and spiritual bliss of orgasm.

1512
01:59:20,920 --> 01:59:24,600
Contrary to what many women think, it's
possible to learn how to come.

1513
01:59:25,040 --> 01:59:29,980
There are well -tried techniques to
improve the ease and frequency of

1514
01:59:29,980 --> 01:59:30,980
in different situations.

1515
01:59:31,980 --> 01:59:36,680
There are higher goals to aim for, no
matter how good your experience is so

1516
01:59:38,760 --> 01:59:42,100
This programme is about women and their
orgasms.

1517
01:59:42,500 --> 01:59:45,440
It aims to help women improve their
ability to climax.

1518
01:59:46,400 --> 01:59:50,980
But I hope that men too will watch it,
because if they do, they'll be all the

1519
01:59:50,980 --> 01:59:53,300
better at helping their partner with her
orgasms.

1520
01:59:54,480 --> 01:59:58,150
The contents of this programme... are
the result of my talking and listening

1521
01:59:58,150 --> 02:00:02,630
women of all ages over many years, and
includes all the tips that they've found

1522
02:00:02,630 --> 02:00:07,110
invaluable in this powerful and
exquisite area of human sexual

1523
02:00:13,790 --> 02:00:18,790
The greatest unsolved mystery about
female orgasms is why we have them at

1524
02:00:19,250 --> 02:00:22,250
Women don't need to have them for any
reproductive purpose.

1525
02:00:23,030 --> 02:00:24,630
Biologically, they seem to be a luxury.

1526
02:00:29,740 --> 02:00:33,860
Orgasms can be more difficult for us to
reach than for men, though when we get

1527
02:00:33,860 --> 02:00:35,680
there, we can have more of them.

1528
02:00:39,980 --> 02:00:44,460
What actually happens during an orgasm
in terms of the biological facts?

1529
02:00:45,600 --> 02:00:49,740
Once a woman becomes sexually aroused,
she reaches a plateau of excitement.

1530
02:00:50,240 --> 02:00:54,460
If stimulation were to stop at this
stage, she could quickly return to the

1531
02:00:54,460 --> 02:00:55,460
resting state.

1532
02:00:58,760 --> 02:01:03,100
However, if the stimulation continues,
there's no physical reason why she

1533
02:01:03,100 --> 02:01:04,100
shouldn't come to a climax.

1534
02:01:06,600 --> 02:01:12,740
The bodily sensations of arousal include
fine sweating, deeper breathing and

1535
02:01:12,740 --> 02:01:18,220
increased heart rate, swollen breasts
with hardening nipples, increased

1536
02:01:18,220 --> 02:01:21,680
tension and sometimes a red rash over
the top of the chest.

1537
02:01:25,800 --> 02:01:30,880
During orgasm, There are rhythmic
muscular spasms, and the whole body may

1538
02:01:30,880 --> 02:01:31,880
contract.

1539
02:01:32,580 --> 02:01:35,540
Some women cry out as breath is forced
from the chest.

1540
02:01:35,980 --> 02:01:42,000
The back may arch, feet and toes curl,
and around the genitals and anal area,

1541
02:01:42,140 --> 02:01:44,360
contraction of the pelvic muscles can be
obvious.

1542
02:01:57,100 --> 02:02:02,160
The non -physical parts of orgasm are
the emotional and psychological ones,

1543
02:02:02,160 --> 02:02:05,060
conscious and some deeply buried within
our psyche.

1544
02:02:08,260 --> 02:02:12,920
The main difference between a woman's
climax and a man's is that she usually

1545
02:02:12,920 --> 02:02:17,520
takes a much longer time to get to this
peak, but she can remain excited at the

1546
02:02:17,520 --> 02:02:19,620
plateau phase for considerably longer.

1547
02:02:21,580 --> 02:02:25,560
Also, it is possible for women to come
again and again.

1548
02:02:26,240 --> 02:02:27,860
something most men can't do.

1549
02:02:31,560 --> 02:02:36,560
Once her orgasms are over, it takes
longer for a woman's arousal level to

1550
02:02:36,560 --> 02:02:37,580
to the resting state.

1551
02:02:44,820 --> 02:02:51,380
The capacity to have an orgasm is
universal among human beings.

1552
02:02:51,580 --> 02:02:52,580
We're born with it.

1553
02:02:57,520 --> 02:03:02,300
Most of us learn about our sexual
feelings gently as we grow and

1554
02:03:02,300 --> 02:03:05,580
orgasms either spontaneously or because
we bring them about.

1555
02:03:07,520 --> 02:03:10,680
Masturbation is, of course, physically
harmless at any age.

1556
02:03:11,120 --> 02:03:15,380
But some children learn the hard way
that it's a socially unacceptable

1557
02:03:17,120 --> 02:03:21,240
Guilt can then become attached to self
-stimulation even as a private pleasure.

1558
02:03:23,340 --> 02:03:27,400
The pressure on girls is more subtle and
more widespread than it is on boys.

1559
02:03:32,620 --> 02:03:37,200
At the simplest level, just having to be
quiet and subtle about arousal can

1560
02:03:37,200 --> 02:03:38,200
clearly have its effects.

1561
02:03:39,300 --> 02:03:43,600
This probably explains why so many women
say they use secret and indirect

1562
02:03:43,600 --> 02:03:45,260
methods when they masturbate.

1563
02:03:52,360 --> 02:03:53,480
sort of rocking with it.

1564
02:03:56,700 --> 02:04:01,020
I've had my best orgasms riding a bike,
or better still, on a horse.

1565
02:04:01,480 --> 02:04:05,320
Sometimes if I run up two or three
flights of stairs in newly washed jeans,

1566
02:04:05,320 --> 02:04:06,920
can have an orgasm before I reach the
top.

1567
02:04:08,900 --> 02:04:13,380
The importance of the arousal habits we
acquire in childhood and adolescence is

1568
02:04:13,380 --> 02:04:17,720
in the way they later influence how we
masturbate as adults, and also make love

1569
02:04:17,720 --> 02:04:18,720
with a partner.

1570
02:04:25,420 --> 02:04:29,720
When women reach adulthood, we often
have the problem of putting our

1571
02:04:29,720 --> 02:04:30,800
pleasure before our own.

1572
02:04:31,320 --> 02:04:35,300
A lot of women operate by ensuring that
other people's pleasure comes first.

1573
02:04:36,040 --> 02:04:40,240
This is not to say that we are the less
selfish sex, rather that we find other

1574
02:04:40,240 --> 02:04:43,360
people's discomfort can cause us more
uneasiness than our own.

1575
02:04:45,000 --> 02:04:49,720
Such deeply ingrained attitudes can be a
huge barrier to arousal and reaching an

1576
02:04:49,720 --> 02:04:50,720
orgasm.

1577
02:04:51,230 --> 02:04:55,610
If you constantly feel the need to put
your lover's pleasure before your own,

1578
02:04:55,610 --> 02:04:58,350
can become impossible to achieve real
satisfaction for yourself.

1579
02:04:59,370 --> 02:05:03,450
It's a situation where a degree of
selfishness can actually benefit both

1580
02:05:03,450 --> 02:05:04,490
partners in the long run.

1581
02:05:07,090 --> 02:05:13,870
Good orgasms also depend on our

1582
02:05:13,870 --> 02:05:16,990
mental attitude and even more on our
emotional state.

1583
02:05:20,400 --> 02:05:24,000
I once had a boyfriend who knew every
trick in the book, but I never managed

1584
02:05:24,000 --> 02:05:25,000
have an orgasm.

1585
02:05:25,140 --> 02:05:29,160
My husband may not be the greatest
lover, but there seems much more chance

1586
02:05:29,160 --> 02:05:30,160
of orgasm.

1587
02:05:30,180 --> 02:05:32,860
The difference is that I love him, and I
know he's sincere.

1588
02:05:33,320 --> 02:05:35,360
The other guy just made me feel like a
guinea pig.

1589
02:05:40,120 --> 02:05:45,800
So being able to have an orgasm is very
much a mind thing, and also a highly

1590
02:05:45,800 --> 02:05:47,460
emotional experience for many women.

1591
02:05:52,200 --> 02:05:55,840
When it comes down to it, sex is a
spiritual thing for me.

1592
02:05:56,200 --> 02:06:01,060
No matter how tough I may appear, sex
makes me feel completely vulnerable.

1593
02:06:01,480 --> 02:06:03,380
I can even burst into tears.

1594
02:06:04,480 --> 02:06:08,200
Most women who can't have an orgasm,
even with high levels of physical

1595
02:06:08,200 --> 02:06:10,320
stimulation, have nothing wrong with
their bodies.

1596
02:06:10,880 --> 02:06:14,780
Their problems have more to do with the
break their conscious and unconscious

1597
02:06:14,780 --> 02:06:15,780
put on their pleasure.

1598
02:06:16,270 --> 02:06:20,750
I find my feelings differ depending on
who I'm with. If I'm not sure about the

1599
02:06:20,750 --> 02:06:24,330
person, I tend to keep my distance and
rarely relax enough to climax.

1600
02:06:28,170 --> 02:06:31,730
Some women also feel defeated by outside
pressure to perform.

1601
02:06:32,750 --> 02:06:37,050
Articles in magazines, friends'
experiences, as well as their partner's

1602
02:06:37,050 --> 02:06:39,250
expectations all add to this pressure.

1603
02:06:39,710 --> 02:06:43,750
But it's important to hang on to your
own integrity and believe in yourself.

1604
02:06:44,590 --> 02:06:49,470
If you feel that your orgasms are not
all they could be you can work on

1605
02:06:49,470 --> 02:06:52,030
improving them and involve your lover if
you want to.

1606
02:06:59,430 --> 02:07:03,990
A demanding partner can make things
difficult for you by continually

1607
02:07:03,990 --> 02:07:05,790
you and making you feel undermined.

1608
02:07:08,780 --> 02:07:12,380
One thing that's guaranteed to turn me
off is someone going straight for my

1609
02:07:12,380 --> 02:07:14,460
clitoris without bothering to make me
feel good first.

1610
02:07:14,700 --> 02:07:16,540
It's like, let's go for a quick finish.

1611
02:07:26,880 --> 02:07:30,520
Many women under this sort of pressure
resort to faking orgasm.

1612
02:07:33,500 --> 02:07:36,060
But faking on a regular basis will
not...